


Anthem

by renoui27



Category: SKAM (Italy)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2020-01-23 22:17:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 24,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18558985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renoui27/pseuds/renoui27
Summary: An alternative universe in which Eleonora and Edoardo's parents date and they are forced to live together. Is falling for your stepbrother as catastrophic as it sounds?





	1. The acquaintance

**Author's Note:**

> Slightly OOC, possibly dark at times, expect notes of Cruel Intentions, the modern adaptation.  
> Heavily inspired by deadlilies' video edits "Young Gods" and "Blue Blood". Make sure to check them out, they are amazing!

Eleonora Francesca Sava put on her favorite blood-red lipstick. Her mother called again for her to hurry but she took her time appreciating her finished look in the mirror. She was beautiful and she knew it. Her face was symmetrical. Her eyes had a mesmerizing green color with hues of blue and gray. Her nose was straight. Her lips were well-shaped and pouty. Her hair was quite plain with its brown color, but its texture was thick and recently she had had it cut shoulder-length, which made her feel more sophisticated. Moving downwards, her body was slim with thin arms and legs, and a tiny waist. Her breasts were small, as she liked them. All top fashion models had non-existent breasts. Eleonora could easily be a model if she were some inches taller. At five feet five, though, she didn’t have much of a chance.

“Eleonora, come on. I told you I don’t want us to be late.”

She walked out of her room and reached the entrance. Her mother gave her the once-over.

“Is this my dress?”

It was a lovely dress; flowy silk in a turquoise green color that Eleonora thought matched her eyes perfectly.

“You said it didn’t fit you anymore.”

Her mother didn’t appreciate her comment.

“Next time ask me before borrowing something from my closet.”

They arrived at the restaurant half an hour later. Paolo and his son were already at the table waiting for them. Eleonora had met Paolo a few times already. He was a tall, imposing man with hard features and cold, blue eyes. His son was also tall but his face was softer and his eyes were dark brown. He also sported one of the most ridiculous hairstyles Eleonora had ever seen in her life. His hair was curly flying all over the place over his head.

“This is Edoardo,” Paolo made the introductions.

Eleonora shook his hand trying to be as polite as possible. Her mother had warned her to be at her best behavior otherwise she wouldn’t allow her to go to Capri with Filo for the summer holidays.

“Edoardo is also finishing high school next year,” Lavinia explained once they have all taken their sits.

“What do you want to study afterward?” Eleonora asked him.

“Law school, probably.”

“Like father, like son,” Lavinia smiled tenderly to Paolo.

Eleonora felt nauseated. She didn’t care about her mother’s relationship but watching her being so sweet with someone, whoever this person might be, was completely alien to her, abhorring almost.

“And you, Eleonora?” Paolo asked.

“Medicine.”

Paolo lifted his glass.

“To our children who possess great aspirations,” he toasted.

Everyone mimicked him. The wine was strong and helped Eleonora survive the uncomfortable situation for the rest of the night. Most of it was spent in silence with her mother and Paolo trying to engage both Eleonora and Edoardo in conversation with limited success. Paolo had to scold Edoardo thrice for being at his phone. Eleonora couldn’t blame him. She was bored beyond death. She was really wondering why this evening had been organized in the first place. She didn’t need to meet Paolo’s son, she wasn’t that interested in her mother’s love life. Paolo and Lavinia had been dating for more than a year and Eleonora couldn’t care less if Paolo lived or died. Suddenly, a disconcerting thought crossed her mind. What if they had decided to get married? Was that it? Was that the reason they wanted their children to meet?

Her fears grew wilder when while eating dessert Lavinia exchanged a knowing look with Paolo. He cleared his throat signifying his intention to speak.

 _This is it_ , Eleonora thought. _It is happening._

“As both of you know Lavinia and I have been dating since March last year. She makes me very happy and for some inexplicable reason, she insists that I make her happy too. So we decided to take the next step in our relationship.”

“You are getting married,” Eleonora blurted.

“What?”

Edoardo’s voice boomed across the restaurant hall. Eleonora didn’t particularly like this turn of events as well, but Edoardo looked pissed. More than pissed, his expression was murderous. His curls were more raised than before and Eleonora could discern his jugular vein pulsating on his neck. His body was as tight as a string. He looked ready to explode or spontaneously combust.

“No one is getting married,” Paolo retorted.

He took Lavinia’s hand on his own and gave it a little squeeze.

“We are simply all moving in together.”

~

Filo was munching on crisps. He didn’t look even a tiny bit upset by the news. If he were physically there instead of a camera connection through Skype, Eleonora would have slapped him in the face.

“Of course you don’t care. You live on your own and you don’t have anyone to mess up your life,” she complained.

“No, but really I don’t think it’s that bad. I mean you are moving to Rome. It’s much better than Padua, trust me. And we’ll be much closer now. I’ll visit every day, I promise.”

“So you can eat everything we have in the fridge and have mum wash your clothes.”

“You have the worst opinion about your only brother.”

Eleonora smirked sarcastically.

“You aren’t my only brother anymore. Now I have Edoardo.”

“Oh, yeah, the shitty hair. How is he anyway?”

Eleonora huffed.

“Who cares? Apparently, their house is mansion-size. I’ll have my own room and everything. Hopefully, I won’t have to interact with him or Paolo much.”

It was just a year. That was what she was repeating to herself as the silver lining. One year and then she would move out to go study as her brother had done three years ago. She would be free from this new family arrangement.

“Come on, see the positive side. Don’t you think a fresh start will be good for you? New city, new school, new friends. After everything you went through it will be good, no?”

“I guess so,” she mumbled.

She didn’t like talking about these past events. The isolation, the anxiety, the slut-shaming. She didn’t like thinking about them either but that couldn’t always be helped. She reckoned that Filo was right. A fresh start could be what she needed. This is why she hadn’t put much of a fight against her mother’s wish. Her few complaints were mostly out of principle; disagreeing with her mother was her modus operandi. What actually bothered her was that her mother had made a choice without consulting her first. She had already applied for a transfer to Sapienza University before she and Paolo made their decision known. In reality, Eleonora had no say in the matter and that annoyed her.

Edoardo had taken the news even worse. After his father’s announcement, he had stormed off the restaurant without uttering a word. Paolo had apologized for his behavior and left as well. The scene was so intense that Eleonora thought that maybe the whole plan would crumble before it began. Apparently, that wasn’t the case and by the end of summer, she and her mother would move to Rome to live with Paolo and Edoardo. This was the second time Eleonora changed houses. The first was when she was still in primary school when her parents divorced and she, her mother, and Filo had moved from Milan to Padua, where her mother had recently got a post at the University.

She had cried a lot back then. She wouldn’t cry again. She was tougher now and she had promised herself that no matter what life brought her way, she would come out on top.


	2. Stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recommended song: Strange by Adana Twins

The house was dope. It was indeed huge. It had three floors, an underground garage, a massive garden, and a freaking swimming pool. Eleonora had her own bedroom, an old guest room which she was granted permission to decorate as she wanted. She had picked furniture in bright white and painted the walls a seafoam green, her favorite color. She’d also chosen accessories, throw-overs, and pillows in all shades of green and blue. The outcome was as serene and aesthetically pleasing as she had pictured it to be. Topping it off, she had her own bathroom, a walk-in closet, and a balcony, which she had already stuffed with her plants.

Until school started she was spending most of her time taking care of her pots and roots. She adored her flowers. The ability to hold creation at the tips of her fingers was a mesmerizing one; to be responsible for the life and death of another being was a privilege and a thrill she had got hooked on. She was excited that most of her greens were thriving in their novel environment. The only problem was that she was sharing her balcony with Edoardo, whose room was right next to hers. He was a smoker and had the habit of smoking outside on the balcony. That wasn’t bad on itself if it weren’t for his aggravating tendency to put out his cigarettes inside her pots and leave the butts half-buried in the soil.

She had already explained to him how harmful that was for her plants, because of all the nicotine and other chemicals that leaked into the soil, apart from being extremely ugly. He had paid no attention to her. Eleonora doubted if he had listened to a single word that had come out of her mouth. Their interactions were less than limited but even in the rare occasion that she wanted to tell or ask him something it appeared that he had zero intention of communicating with her, more so understanding and sympathizing. Generally, she had no problem with that. She didn’t want to have much to do with him either. For her plants, though, she was ready to pick a fight.

It was early evening and she had come out to water some of her flowers when again she found evidence of his douchability scattered all over her pots. She put her watering can down and methodically and strenuously collected all the butts in an ashtray. She had bought this ashtray for him as a gesture of goodwill to show him that there are other proper containers for cigarettes. He had abandoned it on the table that was on the balcony and never used it.

After she was done, the ashtray full of disgusting butts mixed with soil, she went to his room from the balcony through the open French windows. She was sure he was there because she could hear him playing his guitar. What she didn’t know was that he wasn’t alone. There was another guy sitting on his bed. He saw her first because Edoardo was with his back turned to the window.

“Edo, who’s the babe?”

Edoardo stopped playing mid-tune and turned around.

“What are you doing here?”

His tone was hostile. Eleonora remained unfazed.

“I think these belong to you,” she showed him the butts. “I’d appreciate it if you…”

“Get out,” he dismissed her.

In the meantime, his friend had gotten up from the bed and approached her. He was somewhat shorter than Edoardo with dark hair and caramel skin.

“Don’t pay him any attention. I’m Federico, but you can call me Fede.”

“Nice to meet you,” Eleonora shook the hand he offered her. “I’m Eleonora.”

“Oh, so you’re the sister Edo’s been keeping from us. I wonder why,” Fede said with a smirk.

“She’s not my sister,” Edo replied abruptly. “And she’s leaving, now.”

“I’d think not. Listen, are you coming to the party tonight? We could all go together.”

Eleonora had no clue what this party was.

“You don’t know? It’s a welcoming party, for the new school year. Since school starts next week. Haven’t you heard? Edo, didn’t you tell her anything?”

Edoardo grumbled.

Eleonora didn’t particularly want to go to that party or any party for that matter. At the same time, it could mean a nice opportunity to meet some new people and also get to the nerves of her half-brother. Two birds with one stone, especially if one of those birds wanted to pretend he had nothing to do with her. Payback was such a bitch.

“Sure, I’d love to come,” Eleonora smiled.

“Perfect. We are leaving in half an hour, enough time to get ready?”

“More than enough.”

Before going out of Edoardo’s room, she left the ashtray on his desk.

~

They arrived in Edoardo’s car because of course he owned a car. It was she, Fede, Edoardo, and another friend of theirs they picked up along the way, Chicco Rodi. Both Fede and Chicco seemed far more agreeable than Edoardo, who was sulking the whole time. At least, until they arrived at the club in which the party was taking place. As soon as they passed through the door, Edoardo disappeared into the crowd completely ignoring her. His friends soon abandoned her as well mingling with their own. She was left alone trying to keep her balance among bodies that kept pushing her towards one direction or the other. She managed to reach the bar and order herself a drink. She climbed on one free stool available and scanned the unfamiliar faces on the dance floor. She couldn’t discern much under the dim lights; vague shadows mostly moving to the loud beat of the music.

_People are strange when you’re a stranger_

_Faces look ugly when you’re alone_

A commotion on her right caught her attention. There were two girls around her age talking animatedly. One was a beautiful brunette with long, curly hair. The other was a petite red-hair. Eleonora couldn’t hear exactly what they were saying but she could understand from their body language that it must be a heated argument. Her suspicions proved right when one of the girls, the one with the curly hair, called the other girl a whore. She then left and the other girl remained astounded and shook on her spot. Eleonora filled with sympathy towards this stranger. Her memories of people calling her awful names were still fresh and painful. She didn’t know what had happened. It could have very easily been all the redhead's fault. At that moment it didn’t matter, because nothing justified calling someone a whore, even if they were the worst people and the worst friends on earth.

“I really like your make up,” Eleonora said to her. “I never manage to do my eyeliner straight.”

The girl looked at her tentatively but after a while she smiled a small smile.

“Your lipstick though looks perfect. I’m Eva.”

“Eleonora.”

Eva regarded her with curiosity.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you before at school. Which year are you in?”

“Final year, but I’m new here. Moved recently from Padua.”

“Ah, that explains it.”

Right then Chicco appeared at Eleonora’s side.

“There you are. Come on, we’re doing shots!”

He grabbed her by the hand and dragged her away. She only had time to wave goodbye to Eva. Chicco pushed her through the crowd to the other side of the dance floor, where they found both Edoardo and Fede mid making out session with one girl each. Fede’s girl introduced herself when she noticed her.

“Hi, I’m Alice! Fede told me you’re Edoardo’s sister.”

“She’s not my sister.”

Edoardo stepped between her and Alice blocking her view. That close, he seemed even taller. He loomed over her in an almost imposing way. Eleonora stood her ground. Her eyes were drawn to his mouth, where his lips were smeared with a thin layer of gloss.

“I don’t think this color suits you.”

He didn’t understand immediately what she meant. When he did, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your girlfriend?”

“What’s it to you?”

Chicco handed them tequila shots. They all cheered and drank together. Eleonora thought her throat must have caught fire. She drank one more, but she refused the third. She knew her limits and didn’t want to overdo it. There was enough alcohol flowing through her blood to help her loosen up. She danced freely feeling more relaxed around Edoardo’s friends, the Villa boys as she came to know them, by the minute. Even Edoardo himself seemed less tense for the first time since she had met him. His girlfriend didn’t reappear for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the support. I can't promise the updates will keep coming so quickly but comments always help :)


	3. Rumor mill

It took her no time to realize how popular Edoardo was. She regretted coming to school in his car because by the first break everyone had already known her as the ‘sister’. That was the only information her classmates deemed interesting about her. They didn’t ask her where she had come from, how she liked Rome, what her favorite type of music was. She would still be content if they had pondered about her zodiac sign. Instead, the thing they were most interested in was her relationship to Edoardo or rather how her relationship to Edoardo made her the perfect source for all the burning questions surrounding his myth: what it was like living with him, how he took his coffee, whether he slept in his underwear. After a while, Eleonora got fed up and started giving incredulous yet much entertaining, to her at least, answers.

“He has a collection of plush toys. His favorite is a giraffe named Lungo.”

“His socks smell like death.”

“His farts are the loudest. They literally wake me up at night.”

She was sitting on a bench outside the school cafeteria when she saw Eva approaching her.

“Hey, remember me?”

“Hi, sure. Here to ask if Edoardo can actually lick his own elbow?”

Eva gave her a perplexed look.

“Is that even possible? And who is Edoardo?”

Eleonora smiled brightly.

“No one of importance. How have you been? Come, sit.”

They started talking without Edoardo’s name being mentioned once. Eva asked her about herself and Eleonora was so excited that she forgot how private a person she was and responded without much of a reserve.

“My last school was so small compared to this one. Everyone knew everything about everyone.”

“Trust me, the rumor mill is strong with this one,” Eva commented ruefully.

Eleonora thought that it must have something to do with the scene between Eva and the other girl she had witnessed the other night, but she didn’t want to make Eva feel uncomfortable so she let her curiosity pass.

The bell rang so they stood up to return to class for the final hour.

“Where do you live?” Eva asked her.

Eleonora explained.

“Oh, we are going in the same direction. Maybe we can catch the same bus after school finishes.”

“That would be great.”

She quickly texted Edoardo not wait for her. She would rather leave school in a hearse than be seen with him again.

~

They were waiting at the bus stop and Eva was showing her videos from her rhythmic gymnastics performance. She looked so beautiful and elegant.

“This is so good! The way you contort your body, it’s amazing,” Eleonora praised her. “Are you entering competitions?”

“Nah, I am not that good for competition level. You should see the other girls in my team, they are professionals. My technique is decent, but I lack determination. I mean you need to practice six hours straight every day to have any chance at winning. And if I were to compete, I would need to lose ten kilos at least. It’s a massacre, I’m telling you. The amount of stress and strain these girls are put through.”

“Yeah, I did some artistic swimming when I was younger and the situation is pretty much the same.”

“I can’t understand it, honestly. They tell us that being overly thin is the only way; that a heavy body is not sustainable, that we will suffer injuries. But malnutrition causes the injuries. I know girls that three days before an event drink only water. I think it’s more of an aesthetic stereotype than anything. I mean have you seen Katelyn Ohashi? She scored a perfect ten at floor gymnastics and she has a healthy, muscular figure. Her body is so beautiful.”

Eva put on the YouTube video for Eleonora to watch. She was honestly amazed.

“Wow, it’s like gravity left the building.”

“Hey!”

Both Eleonora and Eva looked up. They saw a blond girl. Next to her there was a tall brunette drinking juice with a straw.

“Um, sorry to interrupt. You didn’t come to the meeting.”

Eleonora looked quizzically at the girl before she understood she was talking to Eva.

“Oh, yes, I’m so sorry! I totally forgot. Was it today? How did it go?”

The blonde shrugged.

“It didn’t happen actually. It was just the two of us.”

She then introduced herself to Eleonora.

“I’m Silvia. This is Fede, Federica.”

“I am so sorry,” Eva apologized again. “It completely slipped my mind. Can we do it tomorrow perhaps?”

“Okay. Maybe you want to attend as well?” Silvia proposed to Eleonora.

“What is it about?”

“We are relaunching the school’s radio program. It’s a radio station run by students for the students. Would you like to participate?”

Silvia’s expression was so crestfallen that Eleonora didn’t have it in her to refuse.

“Ah, yeah, okay. What time?”

“We meet after school. It’s the building right next to the gym.”

They exchanged contact details and everything. Eleonora had the crazy thought that she was beginning to have a social circle again.

~

She was in the kitchen eating salad for dinner when Edoardo walked in. He noticed her and stopped dead in his tracks. He turned to leave but apparently changed his mind and turned around again.

“Did you tell people that I watch midget porn?”

“Do you?”

He crossed his arms on his chest and stared at her. Eleonora continued munching on her lettuce. After five seconds, minutes, and years of this eyeing contest, he did something that Eleonora did not expect. He smiled. It was a soft smile, almost untraceable.

“I don’t watch midget porn. The proper term is little people.”

Eleonora couldn’t help it. She laughed.

“Okay, I did spread some contested truths about your person. I am certain they worked in your favor though.”

“Did they now?”

“Of course! They perpetuate your myth. Edoardo Incanti, more than a name, a legend.”

He scoffed and bypassed her to reach the sink. He washed his hands.

“You also said that I bake cookies naked.”

“Aha,” she admitted. “After I had said that you run the marathon backward I needed to up my game. Keep people interested, you know.”

“Yes, but that wasn’t a lie.”

Eleonora froze with her fork hanging midair. She looked anxiously left and right and then proceeded to turn cautiously her head towards his direction. He was leaning casually on the counter keeping a straight face but his eyes were glinting mischievously.

“Actually, I was planning to bake a batch right now. Care to join me?”

Eleonora swallowed. If he thought he would scare her off so easily, he was clearly mistaken.

“Sure,” she agreed.

He mustn’t have expected her reaction either, but he didn’t let it show.

“Ok, then. Clear the table so we can start.”

“Do I need to get naked as well?”

He smiled shaking his head.

~

They were actually baking cookies. Together. Edoardo had prepared the dough and was showing her how to knead it to the proper size. They were standing side by side, occasionally touching, and they hadn’t insulted each other. On the contrary, they were cooperating smoothly. Eleonora was genuinely having fun. Who would have thought?

“I mean Chicco was so fucking wasted. We all fell asleep in Fede’s room and at one point Chicco got up. He wanted to go to the bathroom, right? But he got confused or whatever so he goes into this room, which apparently was Fede’s parents’ bedroom, he walks in, climbs on the bed, and he pees all over them.”

“Oh, my god.”

“I mean can you imagine Fede’s parents? They woke up and they saw someone, who they later found out was their son’s friend, standing above them and peeing on them.”

Eleonora couldn’t control her laughter. She literally had tears in her eyes. She was laughing so hard she could barely breathe.

“Oh, man, I feel so bad for Fede’s parents. Yet this must be one of the funniest stories I’ve ever heard.”

Edoardo laughed as well.

“Yeah, it was pretty intense.”

“And what happened afterward?”

“Fede is not allowed to have any more friends over and Chicco became persona non grata.”

“Understandably so. Next time he is around, remind me to lock my door.”

The cookies were ready, kneaded in the right round shape and spread out on the pan. Edoardo put the pan in the preheated oven.

“They usually need twenty minutes. Enough time to clean the kitchen and prepare some tea. Lemon or ginger?”

Eleonora was utterly amazed by his householding skills. She didn’t take him for a person who took care of such things. For her, domesticity and Edoardo Incanti were two worlds apart. Perhaps she had been quick to judge him. Evidently so, when she got to actually taste the cookies, hot and soft, straight from the oven, and she couldn’t but moan with pleasure.

“They are the best, I mean it. Like where did you learn to bake cookies like that?”

“My grandma taught me. And I’ve practiced a lot. I like baking. Cooking not so much.”

“I like cooking.”

“Maybe next time you can cook something for me.”

“Yeah, sure.”

She drank a sip from her lemon tea.

“But next time we’ll be naked.”

She preferred to laugh instead of choking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's official, I'm obsessed. A big thanks to everyone who has liked and commented, you are the best! How do you like Eleonora's progressing relationship with Edoardo? What do you think about Eva doing rhythmic gymnastics? I can totally picture it.


	4. Making mayo

Eleonora enjoyed being part of the radio program. Today was their second meeting and she was already excited to start her own show. She hadn’t decided yet what exactly her topics would be. She wanted something to do with social awareness; refugees maybe. She also enjoyed the company. Apart from Silvia, Federica, and Eva she had met Sana, a Muslim girl, and Nico and Martino. Martino was a childhood friend of Eva and Nico was his boyfriend. There was Emma as well, another senior, who Eleonora didn’t particularly like because she often made homophobic comments thinking they were funny. Having a gay brother, Eleonora was too sensitive at times to other people’s inconsideration. She also thought Emma had a secret crush on Martino and she was just bitter he didn’t like her back.

They were packing up to leave when she received a text message.

Edoardo: _Stayed late for basketball practice. Want a ride?_

She caught herself smiling. These last couple of weeks he had been so nice and sweet, a completely different person. She understood that probably he needed some time to get used to their new situation.

You: _Thanks. Coming out now._

She walked to the school gate with the girls and saw Edoardo’s car parked on the opposite side of the street. Edoardo was standing outside, leaning on the driver’s door, hunched over his phone. He lifted his head and smiled when he saw her. She smiled back.

“Tomorrow night, dinner at my place, don’t forget,” Eva told her.

“No, of course not.”

She said her goodbyes and walked over to Edoardo’s car. They hadn’t even reached the first corner down the road when her phone lit up.

Silvia: _How do you know Edoardo Incanti?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!_

~

“So there’s nothing going on between you two?”

Eleonora didn’t manage not to roll her eyes this time.

“Silvia, I’ve told you ten times already. We are simply living together because our parents are dating. I mean it would be completely gross. We are almost like brother and sister now.”

“Almost,” Silvia mumbled.

Eleonora couldn’t handle this third degree any longer. She stood up from the couch and went to the kitchen to help Eva with the preparations.

“I’m telling you she’s driving me crazy.”

Eva smiled.

“She’s obsessed with him. She knows exactly how many rings he wears, in which finger.”

“Ah, to be young and in love,” Eva mused. “Haven’t you ever been in her position?”

Eleonora straitened her cardigan.

“Can’t say that I have.”

She picked up a plate with cheese and left the kitchen. In the dining table, Fede and Sana were already seated together with Nico and Giovanni, Eva’s boyfriend.

“I don’t believe religion can reconcile with homosexuality as it is. They need to implement a whole new rationale to be able to do that,” Nico was arguing.

“And what about science?” Sana counter-argued. “How can science explain homosexuality since reproduction is the main target of our species?”

“First of all, this is a very specific understanding of science that many theorists have contested. And most importantly, exactly as you said science tries to explain things. It does not provide a way of living people should adhere to as religion does. And according to both Christianism and Islam, this way of living is dictated by God, who is all-knowing. Implementing a new way of living means that God was originally mistaken.”

“The word of God is interpreted by humans and humans make mistakes.”

“Then why should we follow organized religions in the first place?”

“Are you two going at it again?”

Martino came into the dining room followed by his two friends Luca and Elia, and also Silvia.

“When are you going to introduce me to Edoardo?” she asked Eleonora.

“I think he has a girlfriend,” Eleonora replied.

“No, he doesn’t. I would know.”

“He was with someone at the welcoming party.”

Silvia furrowed her brows.

“Who?”

“No idea.”

“What did she look like?”

Eleonora huffed with annoyance.

“I couldn’t make her out in the dark. I think she was blonde.”

“Long hair, thin, shorter than I?”

“I guess so.”

“Nah, she’s not his girlfriend. She’s Sarah, one of his occasional hook-ups.”

Eleonora was awestricken by so many different information at once: the amount of details Silvia knew about Edoardo’s life, how nonchalant and casual she was about this situation as a whole, and lastly about the fact that Edoardo, who could be such a caring and attentive person, treated women like they were nothing more than reusable objects.

“And you have no problem with that?”

“Why should I?”

“Do you really want to be with someone who has a line-up of occasional hook-ups?” Eleonora asked her incredulously.

 “Of course. Have you seen him? He looks like David of Michelangelo.”

~

Eleonora started seeing him. She started really seeing him. She tried to reconcile his two conflicting sides: the one portrayed by Silvia’s accounts and the one she was experiencing on a daily basis. She had originally thought that her first impression of him was wrong; that he needed time to warm up to her and once they passed that point he was behaving like his normal self: a funny, sweet, and soft self. Now she had begun to have doubts. What if there was another reason for his change of heart? Was he scheming something against her? Was he secretly planning her slow demise?

She grew more cautious and aware around him while keeping up the pretenses so as not to alert him of her intelligence. Yet every time she looked into his eyes, she could discern no hidden agenda behind them. His smiles seemed genuine, his attentiveness heart-felt, his proximity unforced, to the point that she felt paranoid. She needed to get to the truth and she knew exactly who to recruit for that.

Next Sunday Filo came over for lunch. He had already met Edoardo from when they had first moved to Rome so he could be a safe judge of his demeanor. After they had finished eating and while their mother was preparing the afternoon coffee, Eleonora took her brother upstairs to her room, supposedly to show him her plants. Once alone she found the best opportunity to ask him.

“What do you think of Edoardo?”

“He really does have shitty hair,” Filippo answered while going through her closet, his favorite past time.

Eleonora couldn’t count all the clothes he had “borrowed” from her wardrobe. He had a very extravagant style that in any other person would look ridiculous, yet for him worked perfectly.

“Yeah, but I mean what do you think of Edoardo when it comes to me.”

“Apart from the fact that he has the hots for you?”

Suddenly her bedroom felt tiny.

“What?” she croaked.

Filippo looked at her over his shoulder while holding a hanger with her favorite jacket.

“Oh, you haven’t noticed? I thought this is why you asked me. Can I have this?”

Eleonora nodded absentmindedly.

“Why do you say this?”

“Because it’s obvious?”

“How so?”

“Hmm, could it be the way he looks at you when you are not watching? Or how his voice goes soft when he talks to you? Or that he never misses the opportunity to touch you? Or could it simply be that he jumped up and ran out to get you ice cream because you said your favorite flavor is pistachio?”

“No way, this is impossible.”

She started pacing up and down. She couldn’t stand still at that moment. She had expected there was something going on but she couldn’t accept that this was the explanation.

“Is it?” Filippo looked genuinely puzzled.

“We are practically brother and sister.”

Filo rolled his eyes at her.

“You are not brother and sister, Ele. You are two unrelated, hormonal teenagers forced to live under the same roof. It would be virtually impossible if there was no attraction whatsoever. I am surprised Edo’s dad hasn’t figured it out yet. Ok, mum never pays attention to anything but herself but he is quite perceptive. Or maybe he has but he just doesn’t give a damn if you two are fucking.”

“We aren’t fucking,” Eleonora exclaimed.

“For now,” Filo mumbled.

“Ok, you know what? Let’s say this discussion never happened. Let’s just stop. I never asked you about Edoardo and you never told me any of your crazy theories.”

“As you wish. But some facts cannot be denied, little sis.”

“Like?”

“Like Edoardo choking the chicken for you.”

She was completely lost.

“You know, spanking the monkey, flogging the dolphin, buffing the banana, tooting his horn, rubbing the one-eyed snake, polishing the family jewels, fighting the purple helmet warrior, making mayo, wrapping his hand around his penis and moving it up and down in a thrusting movement.”

“You’re disgusting!”

“One of my top qualities.”

Eleonora pushed him out of the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is your favorite character besides our lovely couple? Mine is Filo and I think it shows. A huge thanks and a giant kiss to everyone who has liked and commented. You are literally my source of inspiration!


	5. Take me to church

_15 signs to tell if a guy likes you_

_25 signs he’s totally into you_

_5 ways to know if he means it_

Eleonora closed her laptop after watching the tenth YouTube video in a row and having read an equal amount of articles. Why was it so difficult for people to express unambiguously their feelings? Why couldn’t their butt’s glow as in some animals?

The thought of Edoardo’s butt glowing underneath his jeans made her smile. Then she contemplated how she would look with a glowing butt and stopped.

Tired and moody, she stood up from her bed and went outside on the balcony to find solace in her plants. She found Edoardo smoking instead.

“I didn’t know you were here.”

“Just got back. What’s up?”

“Nothing much. I was, eh, researching.”

“What about?”

“Mating tactics. In the animal kingdom. Did you know that male honey bees mate only once because during the process their reproductive organ and abdominal tissue are ripped from their body and left in the female?”

“Good thing I’m not a bee then.”

“Yeah… And male giraffes need to drink the female’s urine in order to tell if she’s ready to reproduce.”

Edoardo reduced the distance between them and Eleonora’s voice hitched.

“You’re so random,” he laughed.

His smile was as bright as the sun.

_Tip number who fucking cares: Ask him to hang out with you. If he’ll immediately say yes he’s surely into you._

“What’s you’re doing Saturday evening?” she blurted.

He looked somewhat confused by her sudden question.

“Uh, don’t think I have any plans yet. Do you have something in mind?”

She needed to tread carefully. She wanted to engage him in something he wouldn’t normally like but without making it seem as if she was asking him out on a date.

“I’m going to the vesper. I was wondering if you would like to come with me?”

_Brilliant idea!_

“To the vesper?” he raised his eyebrows.

Eleonora noticed that when he did that his hair also moved upwards.

“I didn’t think you were religious.”

“I am, I am, very religious, utterly religious, extremely religious.”

He was still smiling.

“Ok then.”

_Say what?_

He came to the vesper with her. On a Saturday evening. She wanted to cry. Not only she had wasted her time and was bored beyond salvation but also made a complete fool of herself since she had no idea what was happening and she couldn’t follow the service. The last time she had been to a church was probably during her christening. He had to show her twice which passage from the bible they were reading and when to kneel and stand up.

Afterward, they went for an aperitivo to a nearby bistro. The weather still held so they sat at a corner table outside on the church’s piazza. They ordered Aperol spritz and a cold meat platter.

“Extremely religious, eh?” he teased.

She pretended she had gone partially deaf from the loud organ.

 “So how do you like Rome so far?”

Eleonora shrugged.

“It’s nice. It’s at the same time vibrant but with lots of quiet corners if you know where to look. I like exploring them.”

“Do you miss Padua?”

“No, not exactly.”

She was actually relieved to leave Padua. She had always thought that it was too small a place for her, the last months before they moved though it had felt suffocating.

Edoardo traced the rim of his glass with his index finger. He had long, strong fingers with neatly cut nails.

_Why are you noticing things like that?_

“Do you miss anyone in Padua?”

She couldn’t help but scoff. She wanted everyone to burn in Padua. She didn’t have any family there nor any friends left.

“No, I don’t miss anybody.”

“You didn’t have any friends or like a boyfriend or something?”

She just realized he was avoiding her gaze and his cheeks had gone a soft red. She gulped.

_One of the surest signs: He’ll ask if there’s a significant other in your life._

“No one of importance.”

He must have understood her mood had gone sour because he dropped the subject altogether. They left shortly after. On their way back in his car, he put on Billie Eilish’ _Bad Guy_.

“You like this song, right?”

She was dumbstruck.

“How did you know?”

She was obsessed with it more likely. She literally had it on repeat all day every day.

“You were singing the lyrics one time you were outside watering your plants. You got me curious and I searched for it.”

This wasn’t one of the signs she had read about. Yet it made her alarm bells go haywire.

Was Edoardo actually flirting with her?

_Useful tip: If he likes you he’s friends might know._

This was her last resort. If there was anyone who knew how Edoardo normally behaved this would be the Villa boys. One Villa boy in particular.

“How long have you known Edoardo for?”

She casually asked Fede one time he had come over at their house. They were in the living room playing board games. Edoardo had gone to the bathroom.

“Boh, as long as I can remember. We attended the same primary school. I have pictures of him still wearing braces if you are interested.”

She felt intrigued but she had a mission to accomplish.

“Some other time. So you must really know him, as a person I mean. What he likes and dislikes, what are his manners, how he behaves around people.”

Fede smirked his signature smirk.

“What do you want to know? Or more interestingly why do you want to know?”

“Well, we do live together. I simply want us to get along.”

Fede took out his pouch of tobacco and started rolling a cigarette.

“I think you are getting along just fine. I’m not sure how you did it but he seems to really like you.”

He gazed at her below his eyelashes.

“Or maybe I get exactly how you did it.”

“What do you mean?”

He didn’t answer her. He finished rolling his cigarette with assured, trained movements and stood up.

“I’m going outside for a smoke.”

He paused a little, his cigarette dangling from his lips.

“Since you’re wondering though, there’s a sure way to tell. Edo hates people touching his hair. He legitimately goes berserk. If he allows you to touch it, you’ve got him by the balls.”

She attempted it a few nights later. They were alone with Edoardo, sitting on the couch, watching a TV show together. It was a Norwegian teenage drama she liked and which he insisted he also enjoyed. There were on the second season. The heroine had gone out on a date with a guy she supposedly disliked.

“This is ridiculous,” Eleonora exclaimed. “If she really didn’t want him to be attracted to her, she could do it so easily. She could fart in front of him or something. Spit on his face or puke on his shoes. It’s not that difficult to make someone not like you.”

 Edoardo seemed to ponder over her words for a while.

“I’m not sure to be honest.”

“No?”

He shook his head.

“No. If I like a girl, if I really like a girl as this dude here, nothing so stupid would make me not like her. I mean she’s a human being. She’s entitled to body gas and fluids.”

He was looking her in the eyes and for a moment Eleonora forgot what they were talking about. They were sitting so close that she could discern a few freckles he had on his nose. She didn’t think about it. Her hand lifted autonomously. She tentatively touched his curls, the tuft that rested on his forehead. It was so soft to the touch, streamed through her fingertips like fine silk. She was mesmerized by its texture, by its warm and fluffy feeling. Her gaze drifted down to his eyes, fixed on her, eyelids half-hooded, irises dilated. To his mouth, small, beautiful, lips moist and parted.

He took a sharp breath that made her jolt as if waking from a dream. She realized the heat of his proximity and pulled back on the couch. She rubbed her fingers together, willing her skin to forget his sensation.

“Ah, I’m getting a little sleepy. I think I’ll be heading up to bed.”

Edoardo looked crestfallen.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, yes.”

She stood up. Her legs were shaking. She prayed he didn’t notice.

“School day tomorrow and all. So, goodnight.”

She ran up the stairs before he had the chance to dissuade her. Once in her bedroom, she fell on her bed and buried her face in her pillow, muffling a cry. What was she doing? The plan was to find out if Edoardo had fallen for her. Falling for him wasn’t part of it.

Oh, Virgin Mary and Saint Teresa, how was she supposed to get out of this mess?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh, someone's plan backfired! Kisses and hugs to everyone who likes to think they are the bad guy but in reality they are soft fur-balls.


	6. The royals

“Edoardo, this is my friend, Silvia.”

Edoardo turned around holding a half-eaten hot dog. He smiled when he saw Eleonora before his attention drifted to the blonde standing next to her. Standing was the operative word because it was as if Silvia had completely abandoned her body, which was glued to the ground by sheer gravity alone. Her expression and face were blank, her mouth was hanging open, and her eyes weren’t blinking. She looked more like a blobfish than a functioning human being.

“Silvia,” Eleonora nudged her. “Say hello to Edoardo.”

An unidentified rasp came out of Silvia.

“She’s shy,” Eleonora explained to Edoardo’s puzzled look. “She was just telling me though how big of a fan she is. She’s watched all your basketball matches, haven’t you, Silvia? Yes? Yes! I’ll leave you two to get to know each other, you know, make connections. See you, bye!”

She quickly left and returned back to the girls. She only found Fede talking with Chicco Rodi.

“You haven’t told me your friends are so funny,” Chicco said to her. “Good idea that you invited them.”

Eleonora smiled tightly. It wasn’t for Chicco’s sake that she had asked him if she could bring along her Girl Squad to his BBQ party. Her real reasoning was on the other side of the garden and seemed to be doing better than she had expected. At least Silvia looked as if she had gotten over the initial shock of being in the presence of his Royal Majesty King Incanti and she was now talking animatedly with him. Or rather to him. He was mostly nodding. He must have felt her eyes on him because he lifted his head and caught her staring. Eleonora averted her gaze a little too late. She turned back to Chicco and Federica but they seemed caught in their own little discussion so she retreated into the house.

She had no idea where neither Eva nor Sana had gone and wasn’t in the mood to look for them. She grabbed a beer from the fridge and went to the living room. Most of the party was happening in the garden so they were only a few people there. She preferred it this way. She sat on one of the empty couches and took a sip of her drink. The living room didn’t have access to the yard so she couldn’t see what was happening outside. To keep her imagination from running wild she dedicated her full attention in trying to remove the sticker from the beer’s bottle. She had half-succeeded when Eva appeared by her side.

“Hey, what are you doing by yourself?”

Eleonora didn’t have an answer to that and Eva didn’t wait for one. She sat down next to her.

“This house is sick! We went to the bathroom with Sana and they have a freaking Jacuzzi. Can you believe it?”

Before moving in with the Incantis she would have been equally impressed. Her family was of a moderate income and luxurious splendor was not part of her everyday context. Now, it was as if Edoardo’s wealth had rubbed off on her. In more ways than one, most of which she had no intention of admitting.

Her phone rang. It was her father, for his scheduled weekly call.

“I need to take this,” she excused herself.

She found an empty utility room and answered. In exactly three minutes she was out again. Her father was a creature of habit. He would call her every Sunday at 6’o clock on the dot and ask her how she was, how school was, and let her know that he, Sophia, and the twins were doing great. Every time the exact same order, the exact same words. To the point that Eleonora was certain that if she would tell him anything else besides _I’m fine, school’s fine, take care_ he wouldn’t be able to register the change. It was strange how both of her parents possessed different mechanisms to successfully ignore her: her father had the emotional responses of brick and her mother’s head was constantly in the clouds.

When she returned to the living room she came face to face with Edoardo.

“Where have you been? I’ve missed you.”

She fought her smile but her lips moved of their own accord. She at least managed to unglue her eyes from him and take a look around.

“Where are the girls?”

“Oh, yeah, the Muslim one…”

“Sana?”

“Yeah, she threw a glass of water over Laura’s head and they fled,” he laughed.

“What?”

How could this have happened in the short time she was away?

“And who’s Laura?”

Edoardo pointed with his head towards the direction of a girl in the other corner of the room. She was drying her hair with a towel while a group of people was fawning over her. Eleonora recognized the curly-haired that had called Eva a whore. What was her deal?

“Quite a crowd you have gathered,” Edoardo teased her. “Is it a secret talent of yours? Queen of Misfits?”

“You don’t approve of my friends?” Eleonora arched an eyebrow at him.

“I much rather prefer you.”

His look was so intense that it felt scorching. Eleonora backtracked. This time he didn’t allow her distance. He took a step forward. His presence closed off the rest of the world. They were in the middle of a party but nothing existed at that moment besides him and her.

“I know what you’re doing.”

He was still smiling.

“What did you think? That I’d become safer because your friend is into me? Did you offer her to saturate my appetite? It’s not attention that I’m after.”

“Of course not.”

Eleonora crossed her arms in front of her.

“You have that any time you want it.”

He nudged her nose with his finger.

“So perceptive.”

“Don’t patronize me.”

She swatted his hand away.

“Where’s your girlfriend anyway?”

“I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Oh, yeah,” she mocked. “You don’t do girlfriends as I’ve heard. I’m sorry I’ve misjudged you for a better person.”

He was affronted by her words. She could see it in the shadows on his face. He didn’t retort though.

“Are you ready to go?” he simply said.

She nodded.

On their way home, they were both silent. Eleonora wanted to apologize but she wasn’t sure how, why, what for, and to which end. She was confused. She felt out of control and she hated it.

“Do you mind if we take a small detour?”

His question interrupted her inner turmoil.

“No, it’s fine.”

They went to the sea. They parked in front of a marina with expensive yachts and sailing boats. The sun had set and their shiny hulls were glistening under the light of fluorescent lampposts.

“Care for a little walk?” Edoardo proposed.

They got out of the car and strolled across the promenade. The night was quiet, not even the wind was blowing. The waters were so calm that they seemed like deep blue velvet. They reached the end of the quay. Edoardo sat down on the wooden platform and Eleonora mimicked him.

“Isn’t it peaceful here? The sea always calms me.”

“It’s very beautiful.”

They didn’t talk for a while. Unlike before, this silence was comfortable. They enjoyed the serenity, which engulfed them like a cradle.

“I had a girlfriend before.”

His voice, tender, broke the silence.

“I met her the previous summer. She is from Milan but we thought to give it a try. Long-distance relationships suck. I don’t know how it would turn out if we were living in the same city, but I believe the distance made everything worse. We were fighting all the time. We were both jealous of each other, a lot. We couldn’t handle our emotions and there was too much drama. We were breaking up and getting back together constantly. Eventually, the craze died out and we broke up for good. After this, I didn’t want any commitment. I was too emotionally drained for that. Do you think that makes me a bad person?”

Eleonora took her time to answer. She needed to word her thoughts as accurately as possible.

“I don’t think this makes you a bad person. Using others for your own means makes you a bad person.”

“What makes you think I was using them and it wasn’t mutual?”

He looked sincere in his inquiry.

“Girls have the right to flings too, you know.”

“I’m not saying that they don’t.”

“Then what are you saying?”

_That is impossible for someone to get a taste of you and not want to keep you forever._

“That maybe they pretended they didn’t want anything more so as to appear cool because girls are usually afraid that expressing what they really want makes them look clingy and desperate or bitches and shrews.”

“I can’t be responsible for that though, can I?”

“No, but you can use your privilege to make sure you know what they really want.”

He contemplated her words.

“What do you want?”

His question caught her off guard.

“I? I don’t want anything.”

His expression showed that he called bullshit.

“You’re accusing me of being blind to the truth and now you’re the one denying it.”

She couldn’t respond anything to that. She physically couldn’t. It was as if her tongue had gone numb.

He leaned into her locking their eyes together.

“What do I have to do to make you trust me? Mmh?”

He brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear. His fingers lingered on her cheek.

Her voice was caught in her throat. A lump the size of a stone wasn’t letting her talk; wasn’t letting her breathe.

Edoardo waited.

Then he removed his hand from her face.

“Let’s go back.”

_Stop! Don’t stop! Stop!_

Eleonora followed him to the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's all bow to our Rich King and Queen of Misfits!  
> I can't stress enough how thankful I am for all your amazing support and trust. You are all as part of this work as I am. Each time I read one of your wonderful comments my heart flutters with joy <3  
> Replying to queennie's question, I don't know exactly how many chapters there'll be in total since I'm still writing. I also get inspired by comments to include extra scenes :)  
> Peace and love to everyone for the rough days we have coming our way with the SA storyline!


	7. Best friends

Silvia had turned into a menace. Eleonora couldn’t believe her eyes. The usually sweet, soft, and endearing little angel they called a friend was now a force to be reckoned with. Her green eyes were sparkling with fervor and her face and posture were rigid and tense. Never in her life had Eleonora imagined that Silvia was hiding a part this aggressive in her. When she texted them in the group chat for an urgent meeting, Eleonora thought it would be about one of Silvia’s usual frivolous issues: what to wear in the next event coming up, if she should have a fake tan, and whether to get highlights or not.

Eleonora knew that this was a matter of choice. She had seen how Silvia behaved about something she considered important. She was absolutely capable of handling herself. The radio program was in the most part her doing and she acted with professionalism and dedication while being carefree and happy-go-lucky as was her natural disposition. Based on this, Eleonora had the impression that Silvia wanted to play the role of the airheaded blonde for reasons beyond her comprehension. Today, though, Silvia meant business.

“We need to discuss what happened at the party,” she told everyone the moment they had taken their seats at the corner café close to school.

It was a place, in which most students hang around after school finished.

“Sana’s behavior was unacceptable. You can’t throw water to people’s faces just like that. Especially Laura. She’s one of the it-girls of our school. We cannot afford to have her talk badly about us. Our situation is unpopular as it is. We were lucky we got invited to Chicco’s BBQ. And we wasted this opportunity. I was finally talking with Edoardo and you completely ruined it for me so as to defend Eva.”

Eleonora was utterly lost. She had so many problems with Silvia’s accusations she didn’t know where to begin.

“What Eva has to do with anything?” Fede asked puzzled expressing Eleonora’s question as well.

“Oh, please,” Silvia rolled her eyes. “Everyone at school knows Laura is badmouthing Eva. Until now, I also felt pity for poor Eva. But know I’ve learned the reason. Eva, would you like to tell us yourself or shall I?”

Eleonora looked at Eva whose face was completely drained of color. Her eyes were teary and her lips were quivering. She was at the brink of losing it.

“Silvia, don’t you think this is enough?” Eleonora intervened.

Silvia didn’t pay her any attention.

“Eva stole Laura’s boyfriend. Gio was first in love with Laura until Eva, Laura’s best friend, came along and stole him from her.”

A moment of shock followed. It was too much information to process at once, too unexpected. Silvia’s vehemence, Eva’s shattered expression, the light blue sky of the sunny noon, completely at odds with the storm raging among them.

“Sil, these are just rumors, it doesn’t mean…” Fede began saying.

“No, she’s right,” Eva mumbled between tears. “This is the truth. I’m sorry you didn’t learn it from me.”

“You weren’t obliged to tell us anything,” Eleonora comforted her. “This is something between you and Laura.”

“How can you say this?” Silvia continued with her tirade. “If she stole her best friend’s boyfriend once she can very easily do it again. We can’t trust such a friend!”

“She didn’t steal anyone,” Eleonora contested. “Gio is not a thing for Eva to steal him.”

“That’s what everybody thinks. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to be labeled among the school’s sluts for something I didn’t do.”

“That’s very funny of you to mention,” Sana spoke up. “Because the reason I threw water on Laura’s face was that she called you a slut, not Eva.”

Silvia blinked.

“I heard her saying you had been dressed like a slut because that was the only way you could get Edoardo to notice you. So, in reality, it was you that I was defending.”

Sana stood up.

“I don’t have time for this. Goodbye.”

“That doesn’t change anything,” Silvia said once Sana had left.

“Oh, Silvia, please grow up,” Eleonora exclaimed. “And stop to think for a minute that the reason girls are considered sluts is that people like you call them sluts. Eva, come on, let’s go.”

She helped Eva up and they both left together.

Eva didn’t want to be alone so they went back to Eleonora’s house. Up in her room, she tried to make Eva, who was still teary, feel as comfortable as possible. She made them hot chocolate and proposed they have a relaxing spa day: put on face masks, do each other’s manicures and pedicures. Eva wasn’t in the mood. She simply sat in one of the bean bags Eleonora had in her room sipping solemnly on her beverage.

“If someone had told me that I would become one of the girls that destroy friendships over a boyfriend I would have laughed in their face. Yet, here I am.”

“Eva, you don’t have to tell me anything.”

“No, I want to. I’ve been keeping things inside for so long that I think I’m going to explode.”

Eva told Eleonora her story. They were childhood friends with Laura and Martino. They all grew up in the same neighborhood. When they reached high school Martino befriended this guy, Gio. Laura liked him from the start. He liked her back. They became a couple sometime later. In the beginning, everything was fine. They were still all four together and Eva didn’t have any romantic feelings towards Gio. Last year this started to change and not only from her side. Gio and Laura were constantly fighting. Laura had told Eva that she doesn’t want to be with him anymore but she didn’t know how to break things up with him.

“Not that this is any sort of excuse for what I’ve done. It’s just how things progressed. Laura started hanging out with other people more often than not while I, Gio, and Martino still went out together. One thing led to another and one time that Gio and I were alone we kissed. We regretted it immediately. None of us could forget it though. So Gio broke up with Laura to be with me. We didn’t tell her and I think that was our greatest mistake. Because she found out by bad luck, she saw us one time making out behind my house. I believe this is what she saw as treason. Not the break up itself. She didn’t mind it that much; she even told me she had felt relieved. At the same time, she was suspecting there was someone else and she didn’t like that. You know, no matter what your feelings for someone, being their second choice always hurts. It was her pride that got hurt. Gosh, I should have told her. I should have put more trust in our friendship.”

Eva started crying again. Eleonora went and sat next to her hugging her from the shoulders.

“We all make mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up for that. The important thing is to learn from them. No one is perfect.”

Eva looked at her below her eyelashes, wet, dark, and heavy.

“You are.”

Eleonora scoffed.

“By no means.”

“But you seem so assertive. So sure of yourself.”

“Yeah, I practice a lot in front of the mirror.”

Eva laughed through her tears.

“Can I go to the bathroom?”

“Are you going to try it right now?”

“No, I just want to pee.”

Eleonora smiled.

“Sure, go ahead.”

After Eva had vanished in the bathroom, there was a knock on Eleonora’s door. She went and opened it.

“Hey,” she greeted Edoardo.

“Hey, yourself. So, there’s this new horror movie coming out today and thought you might want to go together.”

“Eh, I’m not sure I can.”

“Why? Got any other plans?”

Eva must have turned on the faucet at that moment because there were running water sounds coming from the bathroom.

“What is this noise?” Edoardo asked.

He walked past her before Eleonora had the chance to answer him. He went and stood outside her bathroom door.

“Is there someone in your bathroom?”

His tone was full on accusation mode.

“Do you have someone over?”

Eleonora couldn’t pinpoint his reaction. Why was he acting so hostile all of a sudden?

“What is your problem?” she demanded.

“You want to know what my problem is? You really want to know what the fuck my problem is?”

“Yes! Why are you acting insane?”

He opened his mouth to respond but didn’t because the bathroom door opened then and Eva appeared. Her eyes moved back and forth between them.

“Everything alright?”

“Eva!” Edoardo exclaimed. “It’s Eva. Hello, Eva!”

A giant smile got plastered on his face. He went and hugged the petite redhead who hugged him back somewhat shocked by his sudden outburst of affection. Eleonora took the scene in with a confused expression. Why was he so relieved to see Eva? Who did he think it was instead?

“We are going to the movies. Do you like horror? Yes, you do. It’s going to be great. I’m calling Fede.”

He left the room with a flourish.

Eva exchanged a surprised look with Eleonora.

“Is he always like that?”

She simply shook her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to post this today to console myself after everything that went down. My poor babies! Leave comments for comfort :)


	8. Lovers of the sun

“You have no right to be jealous, you know.”

Edoardo’s hands tightened around the wheel.

“Jealousy is never a right. It’s a feeling. It doesn’t ask for your permission. You just have it.”

“Then you shouldn’t have it.”

He looked at her sideways.

“Tell me why.”

“Why what?”

“Why shouldn’t I have it? If you want me to stop being jealous, then have the guts to say it.”

Eleonora remained silent for the rest of their trip back home after the cinema. She told him a quick goodnight and hurried to her room. She was trying hard to fall asleep but she couldn’t. Her mind had a will of its own and twirled with inconvenient thoughts and suppositions. After many minutes of staring purposelessly at the ceiling, she gave up. She grabbed her phone from her nightstand; maybe an ASMR video could help her relax. She picked one at random and tapped play. Only a few seconds had passed when she heard a light knock on her balcony window. She hesitated for an instant. She then got up and went to open for him.

Edoardo walked into her room and stood tall in front of her. Her fingertips were trembling but it wasn’t from the cold night.

“I was smoking outside and saw light coming through your curtains. I figured you must still be awake.”

“I can’t sleep.”

“Neither can I.”

He took a step closer and looked her deep into her eyes. His were soft and velvety like molten chocolate.

“Why are we doing this to ourselves?” he whispered tentatively as if afraid to scare her away.

“Because we cannot do anything else,” she whispered back.

“I don’t understand this. Ele… I, what I feel about you…”

“Please stop,” she obstructed his lips with her fingertips. “It’s not normal, Edoardo.”

He kissed her fingers before taking them to his own hand. Eleonora felt weak at the knees. She needed to lie down soon or else she would faint.

“Why? Why isn’t it normal? Because to me, it’s the only thing that makes sense.”

She detangled herself from his grasp and went to sit on her bed.

“You may think this way because we spend so much time together. It’s absolutely expected that we develop feelings for each other since we are so close all the time. But that doesn’t mean these feelings are correct or true. It’s just our hormonal self. If you swapped me with any other girl, you would have the same feelings for her.”

“This is bullshit,” he snapped.

He kneeled in front of her clasping her hands once more with his own.

“I don’t want anyone else. I just want you. No matter the reason. Yes, we met under peculiar circumstances but that doesn’t change the fact that I am falling hard for you.”

“Come on, Edoardo. Be honest at least. You hated me when you first saw me.”

“I hated the situation, not you. I admit it was inconvenient and in the beginning, I wanted to make you feel unwelcome. But this changed almost immediately.”

“Because you saw me as a challenge.”

He fervently shook his head.

“No, no, that’s not it. The fact that you didn’t give me the time of day but always confronted my assholeness made me notice you and eventually respect you. It’s so much more, though. So much more. I… I can’t picture my life without you in it anymore. Everything I do, everything I say, I immediately want to share it with you, to hear your reaction, to hear you laugh, most of the times at my expense, but it’s alright,” he smiled. “Tell me you feel the same way. I know it, Ele, I know you feel like I do.”

She couldn’t answer him. She found herself on a precipice with nowhere to go. She hesitated and with each passing second her silence called him closer, and closer, and closer still. They were now inches apart, she could feel his breath on her skin. His eyes drifted to her lips, once, twice, and then his mouth closed in on hers. He kissed her and she kissed him back. She opened up to him and allowed him entrance. His tongue met hers and together they swirled around in the rhythm of their beating hearts. Her hands found their way to his hair. His fingers were tracing gentle patterns on her back. They made her shiver.

She broke the kiss first. She closed her eyes and touched her forehead to his.

“We can’t do this. This is a mistake.”

He trailed kisses to her chin and neck. He made it impossible for her to think clearly.

“Edo, please,” she implored him out of breath.

He didn’t stop. She had to employ her dwindling resolve so as to move away from him and stand up. He meant to follow her but she lifted her hands blocking him.

“This is wrong.”

“How can something that feels so right be wrong?”

His utter disregard of reality angered her.

“Why are you playing stupid? Or you mean to tell me that you’ll go and tell our parents who are sleeping down the corridor that we want to be together?”

“We don’t have to tell them.”

She took a good look at him trying to ignore his disheveled by her fingers hair and moist by her kisses lips.

“So what you’re basically proposing is to keep this a secret. Because we won’t be able to come out in the public. Hold hands, pecks on the lips, hugs from the waist. What you’re offering me are clandestine touches and quick fucks before you slip back into your bed. I’m sorry but I’m not interested in that.”

He didn’t have anything to say back. He knew it and she knew it.

“What do you want me to do? Tell me and I’ll do it,” he pleaded.

“There’s nothing to be done. It’s better if we forget about it all.”

“Can you do that? Are you so coldhearted to pretend that this doesn’t exist? Because I can’t.”

She swallowed painfully. Her throat had gone as dry as sandpaper.

“You’ll have to. If you really care about me, you’ll do it.”

He meant to take a step forward but she turned her back to him.

“It’s better for you to go.”

She heard him leave. Everything in her cried for her to stop him but she’d been there before. She wouldn’t repeat the same mistakes. If something couldn’t come out to the sun, it was because it was ugly and wrong and sooner rather than later it would eat her alive. She had survived once. She couldn’t risk her sanity again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess it's impossible to have a drama free Ele/Edo. How did you like their first kiss? Really want to hear your feedback. Love and kisses to everyone!


	9. I've got stamina

Everything felt off. At school, Sana and Federica were hanging out with her and Eva but Silvia was nowhere to be seen. At the radio meeting they had, she came last and was first to leave exchanging the minimum signs of communication. Eleonora was still mad about the way she had talked to Eva, yet it was obvious that there was something wrong with her and it got her worried. She brought it up with the others.

“Is Silvia behaving weirdly lately or is it just me?”

They all agreed.

“Do you know if something is going on?” Sana asked Federica.

She was the one closest to Silvia and knew her the longest. She simply shook her head.

“Should we ask her?” Eva proposed.

“Nah,” Federica disagreed. “Silvia isn’t the one to talk if she doesn’t want to. When she feels the need, she’ll come to us.”

Emma passed them by at the corridor.

“I’m off for today. I also recorded my next session because I won’t be here. I’m visiting my boyfriend in Germany. He is a student and he’s doing his Erasmus there, at Kassel.”

No one knew and no one cared. They simply nodded.

“By the way, are you coming to the match tonight?”

“What match?” Eva asked.

“The basketball team is playing the last match before Christmas break. It’s massive. If they win they move on to the next round. I thought you’d know,” she pointed towards Eleonora. “Edo, didn’t tell you? You two are joined at the hip.”

Eleonora smiled tightly.

“I must have forgotten. Not a big basketball fan.”

“It’s a very important match though. The team could really use your support. I am also not a big fan but I’ll go for my brother. He’s in the starting lineup, you know. Anyways, I’m out of here. See you later, bitches.”

~

When Eleonora returned home, Edoardo had already left. She went into his room and sat on his bed. He didn’t keep his space as tidy as she but it wasn’t a complete mess either. He liked the color blue. His walls were painted blue, his duvet was blue, and his carpet was blue too. It was a mat blue, tinted with grey. It reminded her of the sea when it reflected a cold winter’s sky.

_Blue are the words I say and what I think_

_Blue are the feelings that live inside me_

She remembered that silly song that had come out when she was still a toddler. Her brother loved it and she had vivid memories of them dancing together on the catchy rhythm; fragments really. She could barely walk and Filo would balance her with his small hands. Her father had recorded them once on video. They must have left the videotape in Milan because it had been years since she last saw it.

She loudly exhaled and let her body fall backward on the soft mattress. She couldn’t be Edoardo’s sister. She wasn’t his sister and she couldn’t pretend to be. Was it too much to ask to be… What? Friends? Acquaintances? Simply to get along. Was that too impossible? Too difficult to ask of him?

She closed her eyes, turned on her side, and buried her face in his bedclothes. They smelt faintly of him and she rubbed her cheek on them.

~

As she laid eyes on him, her heart skipped a beat. She had missed him. It was ridiculous. They were living under the same roof but it felt like ages had passed since the last time she saw him. She couldn’t avert her gaze from him. As if she were afraid that one simple look away would make him disappear again. He didn’t notice her. How could he? She was sitting on the bleachers among a sea of heads. The arena was filled to the brim. People were screaming and cheering. She even saw some of their professors. She didn’t care about the game. She barely understood the rules.

“Edoardo’s stamina is amazing. Considering how much he smokes,” she heard one girl gossiping from above her.

“Do you think he’s like that in all physical activities?” another voice, a boy, chipped in with a sultry tone.

Eleonora turned and looked at them. They recognized her and smiled sheepishly. She returned her attention to the game. Everything was moving too fast. One minute Edoardo was dribbling the ball, the next one the ball had exchanged hands and belonged to someone else. She soon gave up any effort in trying to wrap her head around the progress of the match. She resigned herself to checking every now and then the scoreboard so as to be sure who was winning. It seemed like their team was faring far better than the guests. Surely enough two hours passed and everyone was screaming their lungs out excited with happiness and joy. Even Eleonora had stood up and was clapping her hands to the audience’s tempo. Their school team had won and Edoardo’s teammates had lifted him up in the air hurrahing at their captain.

She didn’t get the chance to congratulate him immediately after the game. There were so many people waiting for the team outside the changing rooms that she got claustrophobic. She pushed her way towards the exit and finally managed to get out of the arena with Eva by her side. Federica and Sana had disappeared.

“Fede just texted me. They are having after game drinks at his place,” Eva told her.

Eleonora checked her own phone. There was nothing.

~

She hated everything about this party. The music was too loud. The drinks were too strong. The lights were too dimmed. She hated the people, the smells, the noises, the colors. Especially the colors. One color in particular. Bright, fair, blond, growing out of a cute little head, attached to a cute little body with extra boobs spilling everywhere out of her cute little dress. Eleonora hated the color of her hair but more so she hated how her hair was touching his hair. She was so much shorter he had to bend down to listen to what she was saying and she had plastered her mouth to his ear and was talking, and talking, and giggling, and talking, and she was so cute and precious that Eleonora wanted to puke.

She went to the bathroom to follow him. When he came out he noticed her standing there, purposelessly. She had drunk just enough wine to not care.

“I see a pattern here, King Incanti. Having a thing for blondes, aren’t we?”

He stood opposite her at the other side of the corridor, crossed his arms on his chest. She couldn’t help but notice how his muscles flexed underneath his T-shirt. She loathed herself for that.

“What do you want, Eleonora?”

“You used to call me Ele,” she pouted.

He shook his head in a dismissive gesture and turned to leave.

“You’re avoiding me,” she accused.

He stopped and turned again to face her.

“I thought this is what you wanted. To stay out of your way.”

She took a few steps diminishing the distance between them. Now they were both in the middle of the corridor, only a breath away. She could barely discern his features in the half-dark space but she was sure his eyes were on her.

“I never said that.”

“Stop playing games with me,” he murmured.

“I’m not playing games.”

She lifted her hand to touch his hair. He grabbed it to his own preventing the gesture. He didn’t exercise any force but it hurt her as if he had broken her arm.

“I can’t do this. It may be so easy for you to have me around and keep me at a distance but I can’t. For me, it’s either all or nothing. I can’t be near you and not kiss you, touch you, smell your skin. I’m sorry but I can’t.”

She pulled her hand from his grasp.

“I’m only trying to do the right thing here,” she spat at him.

“I know, but I can’t. It’s hard enough already as it is.”

He let out a warm breath and buried his hands inside his jean pockets.

“It’s almost Christmas so only five months more of this torture. After that we both go each to their respective ways and if we are lucky we’ll forget about everything that happened by the time we will start college. We’ll only see each other at family reunions.”

He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“I’d better go back.”

He left taking all of the oxygen out of her lungs with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do any of you know the Blue song? I'm curious about your age range :) Eleonora got a taste of her own medicine and she doesn't seem to like it. What do you think?  
> As always, comments help me write faster.


	10. Black velvet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That M next to the title? It's there for a reason, you've been warned!  
> Recommended song: Black Velvet by Alannah Myles

She was playing with fire. She recognized it but she couldn’t stop. It could be because they were on vacation, miles away from their common life. It could be that here, up in the Italian Alps, they were two strangers among other strangers, all dressed immaculately in clothes made out of fabrics she didn’t know how to pronounce. It could be because the air was fresh and the cold invigorating and the casino mesmerizing full of light, lush carpets, and expensive furniture. It could be because of the sparkling wine and the food full of succulent bites and velvety textures.

“This is such a beautiful place,” her mother commented.

“Yes, it’s been years since last I came,” Edoardo’s father said. “They’ve upgraded it quite impressively.”

Eleonora looked outside the window. They were sitting at one of the casino’s restaurants, right next to the glass wall allowing the view to the mountainside. It had been snowing since early morning and everything was covered in white, hinted blue now under the moonlight. Inside the casino, though, the temperature was scorching. She had worn a new dress: dark blue, covered in Swarovski crystals, short and tight, sleeveless. It was the most expensive item she had ever bought. Paolo had given her a filthy amount of money as a Christmas gift, probably to buy off her consent to the family holidays he had organized to the Dolomites. Tough luck she would be using it to seduce his son.

“Are you guys going to be alright by yourselves for the rest of the night? Paolo and I want to go gamble a little.”

For the first time in her life, Eleonora was thankful for her oblivious mother.

“Don’t worry, mum, Edo and I will find something to entertain ourselves. Maybe we can go to the casino’s nightclub?”

Under the table, she rubbed her leg on his. He jerked but didn’t move it away.

“That’s great! Paolo, shall we go?”

They were left alone. Eleonora locked eyes with him.

“Ready for some entertainment?”

~

The casino didn’t have a nightclub after all. They ordered a taxi and went to the next town, where the only place they found open was a strip club.

“Are you sure you want to go inside?” Edoardo asked her.

“Don’t tell me you are afraid of naked women?”

He smirked.

“Lead the way, Queen of Misfits.”

The inside space was small, dark, and humid. There were some tables scattered around a stage with a pole on which a busty blonde was grinding her string-covered ass. They sat at a double sofa near the wall and ordered vodka. The music was loud but surprisingly good; sensual blues and some retro disco.

“Have you ever been to a strip club before?” he whispered in her ear.

She shook her head and gulped down her vodka. The transparent liquid warmed her insides. She let her body rest on the sofa’s back, touching his. She turned her head toward his direction, their faces so close.

“People were talking about you,” she told him.

“People always talk.”

“They said that you have great stamina. And they wondered if you are like that in all physical activities.”

“Did they now?”

“Are you?”

He smiled and turned his head away. Eleonora would have complained if he hadn’t touched her leg then. He rested his palm on her knee and traveled it a few inches above towards her thigh. She was wearing black tights and she could have still sworn that her skin sizzled under his caress.

His attention drifted to the stage, where another girl had now appeared. She was brunette and small-sized. Eleonora didn’t appreciate his distraction. With a swift movement, she straddled him. His shocked expression amused her. She didn’t say anything. She slowly started moving on him, her body following the languorous rhythm of the song. Their eyes were glued together; none of them was even blinking. She locked her arms behind his neck to steady herself. Now they were as close as they could be, their noses almost touching.

“You’re driving me crazy,” he breathed into her skin.

She felt hot and sweaty.

“I can tell.”

She rubbed herself on him. His hands lifted from his side and grabbed her from behind. A little gasp escaped her.

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“I do. I want it.”

Next thing she knew, they were kissing. He was everywhere; on her lips, on her tongue, on her skin, inside her lungs, and along her heartbeat. His taste was strong and intoxicating, made her head spin.

“I want you so much. I’ve never wanted anything like this before in my life.”

Eleonora looked him deep into the eyes.

“Do you want to go back to the hotel?”

He simply nodded.

~

Their parents had booked them a suite with two separate bedrooms. They went to the one occupied by Eleonora. After the strip club, it seemed as if they’d lost their rhythm. During the taxi ride, they didn’t even touch and now they were standing in the middle of the room giving each other a wide berth. Eleonora was stealing glances towards the bed. It was massive with soft linen and fluffy pillows positioned right next to the big windows. It looked menacing and daunting.

“Come here.”

Edoardo’s soft voice called to her. He took her by the hand and walked them to the bed. He sat on it and pulled Eleonora between his legs. He was so much taller that only now they were on the same eye level.

“I’ve ruined your lipstick.”

He softly rubbed her lips with his fingertips.

“But you still are so beautiful.”

“Is this why you want me?”

He shook his head.

“I noticed you were beautiful the first time I laid eyes on you. It’s not something you can’t see. It’s a fact. You are beautiful. But I didn’t want you back then. Your beauty had no deeper effect on me. It was after I came to know you that I realized how much you mean to me.”

“If I remember correctly you’d have forgotten about me by the time you started uni.”

Her tone was teasing but she still felt bitter about this.

He bit his lip and looked at her sheepishly under his curls. He was so sweet that if she could, she would make him pocket-size and carry him around at all times.

“What did you want me to say? You had refused and denied me.”

“And it was so easy for you to jump the first blonde that came your way.”

He pulled her closer. She hugged him from his shoulders to keep her balance.

“Are you jealous?” he smirked and touched her nose with his.

She just shrugged.

He brought his hands on her face and cupped her cheeks. He spent some time then taking notice of her features. She was so exposed to him. Yet his gaze didn’t make her feel vulnerable but instead cherished and venerated.

“I didn’t jump anyone,” he whispered on her lips. “Ever since you entered my life there’s been no one else. That’s it, Ele. That’s it for me. It’s you.”

He looked so sincere that made her heart break. She buried her face in his neck. He smelt delicious.

“Why does it have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t we just meet like normal people?”

He lifted her from the floor and made her sit on his lap. He searched her face with his again.

“That may have been better or it may have been worse. I don’t want to dwell on what if. I’m just happy that I met you no matter the circumstances. Because I’d always choose this than having not met you at all.”

She nodded. She had come to the same conclusion herself. She couldn’t deny what she was feeling for him any longer, consequences be damned. Apparently, she wasn’t one to learn by past mistakes. The night was dark and velvety, serene and full of promises. Promises of the unattainable and the unachievable, the so humane. She couldn’t resist them anymore, couldn’t resist him. With his silky curls and chocolate eyes and scrumptious mouth. With his tender hands and soft voice and protective nature. She felt safe in his arms and she was only just beginning to realize that she had never felt safe before, not like this, not with anyone. Not her mother, her father, her brother, not her friends. She was alone, all the time, and it was tiring and exhausting and difficult. Being taken care of was a valuable rarity that now that she had gotten a taste of couldn’t ever again do without. Without him, her beautiful and amazing gentle boy.

_I want to be with you, forever and ever, no matter what._

She wanted to tell him. She wanted to scream it at the top of her lungs for everyone to hear.

She chose to show it to him instead. With kisses and touches and moans and her total surrender and devotion. Up to the point where after having completely spent themselves, they drifted off to a peaceful sleep, huddled together under the sheets. The day was just breaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me longer than usual, life gets in the way. But your comments always inspire me to write faster and better so please keep them coming :)


	11. How the light gets in

Eleonora Francesca Sava’s list of all the things she loved but hadn’t known before this trip:

  * _Getting fucked on all fours while enjoying a mesmerizing overlook of the Italian Alps._
  * _Tangling her fingers in Edo’s curls as he was going down on her._
  * _Hearing his breath hitch every time she deep throated him._
  * _Looking at him telling her goodnight, making her feel like the most beautiful woman on earth._
  * _Waking up next to him seeing his smile first thing in the morning._
  * _Taking a bubble bath settled between his legs kissing him languorously._



“I don’t want to leave this place.”

She nuzzled his neck, head resting on his shoulder, her body flush with his. The bathtub was big enough to fit them both comfortably, but she preferred feeling his naked skin rubbing on her. It was so domestic and exotic at the same time.

“Neither do I,” he murmured kissing her temple. 

His hands traveled down her arms, pouring warm soapy water over her. She intertwined their fingers.

“It will be difficult, won’t it? Having to hide, keeping it a secret from everyone.”

“Fede knows.”

She turned and looked at him surprised.

“He does?”

He nodded.

“He knows me far too well to not be able to understand you’ve got me hooked.”

“But he doesn’t know we are together.”

“No. We can tell him though. He won’t criticize. Actually, I think very few people would. I mean it’s not like we are doing incest or something.”

“No, but our parents won’t see it like that and you know it.”

He didn’t comment on that, he only caressed her arm for solace.

“It could be fun though, a little secrecy, meeting in secret, behind closed doors. Like a spy movie or a forbidden love story,” he jokingly bit her skin on her shoulder.

She moved away.

“Secrecy is never fun.”

He immediately understood the shift in her mood.

“Hey,” he said softly trying to catch her eyes.

She avoided his gaze at first but couldn’t deny him for more than a few seconds.

“My first relationship was with my Physics teacher.”

He froze.

“Ele… you don’t have to tell me.”

“I want to.”

She took a breath and bent her knees to her chest, falling deeper into his embrace.

“He was new at my school. Young, handsome, full of energy and passion about his job. I fell in love with him almost at first sight. As most girls in my class to be honest. But the thing is that he fell in love with me too. In the beginning, I was in seventh heaven. Felt so special, so unique to have a mature man, a man not a boy, fall for me. I lived for every little moment he could give me. All the stolen glances, the clandestine meetings after school. After a while, though, I started dying inside. It was at the same time heaven and hell.

Quickly enough, everything became hell. Padua is very provincial. Like a small village in so many ways. If you’ve lived long enough there as I have you are quick to understand it. I understood it more than ever when my relationship with Luca was found out. It was as if the whole city caught on fire. The scandal was huge, massive. He got suspended, of course, left the city, even the country I’d say. Before he left I met him one last time. I begged him to take me with him, to not leave me there, that I loved him, I couldn’t live without him. He called me the biggest mistake of his life, that he ruined his career for nothing, that I should never contact him again.

After that my real hell began. Everyone at school treated me like a leper. They called me a slut, whore. They created a fake profile of me and posted photo-shopped pictures of me naked. Eventually, the police intervened and took the profile down so at least the cyberbullying stopped. But I had no more friends, I was the pariah. Luca was the one who was to blame but I got all the hate instead. I mean I was a teenage girl, how could I be responsible for his actions? I promised myself that I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of watching me break down. That I would be a fighter, the more they preyed on me, the less it would affect me. I focused strictly on my homework and didn’t pay attention to anything they were saying. Inside though I was dying little by little. I stopped eating, I lost almost ten kilos in six months. I was so alone, all the time. I had to make friends with my loneliness. This is when I took up gardening. I read somewhere online that it helps with anxiety and it really did.

I feel much better now. The main reason I didn’t object to moving to Rome was this. I was so fed up with everyone and everything in Padua. I wanted a clean start. I wanted to start afresh, start anew, to become a completely new Eleonora, to leave the weak Eleonora behind, to be confident, and assertive, and strong. To not let anyone see my weaknesses, my struggles. My scars. I couldn’t afford to let people get under my skin again.”

She smiled ruefully.

_He had, though. In every single way that mattered._

“Do you know this song by Leonard Cohen? It goes something like this.”

He started singing. Not singing exactly; it was more of a soft humming in her ear, like a melodic lullaby or a meditative prayer. His voice was husky, hoarse, and throaty. Made shivers travel all over her body. She was holding her breath, not wanting to miss a single syllable.

_Ring the bells that still can ring_

_Forget your perfect offering_

_There is a crack, a crack in everything_

_That's how the light gets in._

His voice trailed off and silence engulfed them. He brought his fingers under her chin and lifted her head tenderly.

“Ele, I promise you. I will never hurt you.”

She couldn’t help it. Stray tears betrayed her and run down her cheeks. He brushed them away with his thumbs. His lips touched her forehead.

“You’re the crack that lets the light come in. We are each other’s. Aren’t we?”

She smiled and cried at the same time.

“Yes, we are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's depression hours so I needed this comfort as much as you, beautiful people. Thank you for all the immense support, it is my driving force.
> 
> P.S. Does the fact that both Giancarlo and Benedetta have posted IG stories with Bad Guy playing on the background make me some sort of oracle or is it just me? :)


	12. Stupid boy

The school building was much larger than what Eleonora had originally thought. There was a whole section closed off for construction works, which the students frequented for a quick smoke between the intervals or in her case hungry make-out sessions with Edoardo. They were living together and most of the time had the house all to themselves since their parents worked until late or went away most of the weekends to business slash pleasure trips. Still, it seemed impossible to both of them to keep their hands to themselves for more than one hour straight.

Eleonora felt her body constantly on fire, which only Edo’s touch could momentarily quench. Her need for him was of a physical kind she’d never experienced before. With Luca, it wasn’t the same. Yes, she wanted him but to her this craving had been more of an emotional type. His pleasure pleased her. She offered him body and soul to do whatever he liked. She felt special because of his choice. It was this exceptionality that really appealed to her. With Edo, she had chosen him herself with everything she had. Her body, her mind, her feminine nature, and her heart too; all of her had made the active choice to be with him, to engage with him, and participate in building with him ties that bound them together into something that was bigger than each one of them alone.

He was also an amazing kisser. His lips were tender and soft, his mouth sweet and inviting, and his tongue danced with hers in a swirling motion that made her weak at the knees. Luckily, she was sitting on an old desk, Edo nestled between her legs. He had found a particular spot that he liked between her neck and ear and was sucking on it with reckless abandon.

“You’re going to leave a mark,” Eleonora complained but made no effort to move away. “The girls already suspect me for vanishing at almost every break. I don’t need a hickey to prove their theories.”

“And what theories are those?” Edoardo asked without ceasing his attack on her neck in the least.

“That I have something going on with someone that I don’t want to reveal.”

His hands grabbed her from behind and pulled her closer to his body. She could feel him under her jeans. The effect she had on him was exhilarating.

“You could tell them. If they’re your friends that must mean you can trust them.”

She rubbed her palms up and down his chest.

“I might tell Eva. If nothing else, it should stop her from trying to play the matchmaker.”

Edoardo froze. He stood straight and looked her in the eyes. He had a serious expression on but with his crazy hair and swollen lips Eleonora had a hard time fighting off a laugh.

“Is she hooking you up with someone?”

Eleonora nodded.

“Elia.”

“Who?”

“Elia. He’s friends with Gio, Eva’s boyfriend.”

She tried to hug him back but he leaned away from her.

“Did you tell her you’re not interested?”

“Of course. Even if you weren’t in the picture I don’t like Elia like that. And he has shown zero indication that he is in any way interested in me as well. I don’t know why on earth Eva thought that we could be a match. Probably because he’s the only single friend of Gio available. Ah, there’s Luca as well, but he doesn’t count.”

“Why doesn’t he count?”

“He has a crazy infatuation with Silvia. She doesn’t give him the time of the day though.”

Eleonora fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. He had an impeccable fashion sense. He always dressed in the finest, most expensive clothes. Almost all the time he looked like he had stepped out of one of those super posh, super glossy fashion magazines. Even his hair had started growing on her. It was his statement, absolutely Edoardo; no one else had hair like his.

“I’m worried about her, to be honest,” she confessed. “She is completely in the wrong, but I haven’t talked to her for more than a month now. She seems as if something’s troubling her.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it.”

Something in his expression made her pause.

“How do you know?” she squinted her eyes at him.

He dived in for a kiss but she avoided him.

“Edo.”

He let out a sigh and acquiesced.

“She’s been messaging me on Instagram.”

Eleonora did a double-take.

“Okay. And you didn’t tell me why?”

“I never responded. I don’t think it’s of any importance. Girls…”

He trailed off but she understood what he had meant to say.

“Girls send you messages all the time.”

He smiled.

“I only told you because you were worried about her. Don’t be. If she’s stupid enough to not value your friendship then she doesn’t deserve it.”

He tried once more to kiss her. She stopped him again.

“What messages?”

“Ele…”

“Tell me.”

“Like how are you, what’s up, the usual stuff.”

She knew he was lying. He was horrible at it, it was written all over his face.

“What else?”

He worried his bottom lip with his teeth.

“She sent me a boob pic once.”

Eleonora was beyond surprised. She never thought that innocent looking Silvia would do something like that.

“I deleted it immediately,” he was quick to add.

“Do many girls send you nudes?”

“Some do.”

“Do you delete them all?”

He exhaled forcefully and rested his head on her shoulder before retracting and looking her in the eyes all serious.

“I had saved a couple. That was a long time ago. Before I met you.”

He took her hands to his.

“I’m sorry. I know this is triggering for you. I was just a stupid boy doing stupid things. I am still stupid but you have to remember this. My life before you? Doesn’t matter, never existed. Will you promise me that you’ll forever remember this? Whatever happens, you changed me in ways I didn’t believe myself capable of.”

Eleonora forced herself to imitate his small smile yet it couldn’t reach her eyes.

“Come here.”

Edoardo hugged her tightly to his chest, kissing her temple. She felt good in his arms, she felt peaceful.

Life was never easy. Being able to spend it with a person who had you as his priority though? Made everything better. Eleonora was grateful for that, even if her automatic defenses couldn’t completely disappear.

 _One day at a time_ , she remembered the advice her counselor after the cyber-bullying had given her.

 _One day at a time_ , she repeated to herself and hugged Edoardo closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been just a few hours and I'm already missing them like crazy. This is the only way I know how to cope, so please fangirl with me! Hugs to you all!


	13. My ritual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from the dead. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter. Recommended song: Rita Ora - Ritual

Being at the supermarket with Filo was like accompanying a small child. He wanted to buy everything. He wanted to climb the cart for Eleonora to push him around. He had no idea what he needed and aimlessly roamed the aisles. He found it the perfect place to make new friends. To be fair, for Filo all places were perfect to make new friends. He acquired the social skills of a Parisian Madame at the turn of the previous century: incomparable.

“Ele, Giulia told me that the secret for the best risotto is to not stir it at all!”

“Who’s Giulia?” Eleonora asked in the process of taking out of their cart and putting back to the shelves all the useless stuff Filo had accumulated.

“Ah, a lovely lady. Recently divorced with two children, tragic story I’m telling you.”

Eleonora didn’t want to go into any details. Luckily for her, Filo was very easily distracted, a trait he shared with their mother.

“Ele, look! Watermelon flavored crisps! Can we try them? Please, say we can!”

“Filippo, I agreed to help you organize this dinner on the condition that you would do as I told you. A condition you’ve been violating for the past half an hour!”

He hugged her from behind and Eleonora was forced to drag him along as she continued walking.

“I’m sorry, spider. I’m just so excited for tonight. I want everything to be perfect. I haven’t felt anything like it before in my life.”

Filo was the epitome of a drama queen. Eleonora was certain he was exaggerating. Then again maybe not. Truth be told, she had never seen him before making such an effort to please someone else other than himself. This Dario guy must mean something to him.

“How long do you know him for?” she asked.

“Almost two months.”

That wasn’t a good amount of time to be able to discern your feelings about someone. Yet, what did she know? She was head over heels for Edoardo one month after getting to know him.

“And how did you meet?”

“At a festival for the refuges. He volunteers for an NGO.”

Eleonora shot Filo a look over her shoulder.

“I didn’t think you were socially aware.”

“I’d heard that the best lovers are the volunteers. You know, they care for someone else besides themselves. I wanted to see for myself. I had heard right,” he winked at her.

Eleonora made a disgusting face.

“Too much information, Filo.”

“There’s never such thing as too much information between siblings. You also need to tell me everything about your beau. Are his curls as soft as they look? No, please, don’t say anything. I’ll find out by myself tonight.”

“You will do no such thing!” Eleonora exclaimed.

“Relax, sis! Jeez, territorial much?”

She rolled her eyes and simply pushed their cart forward towards the cashier. They had gotten everything they needed and the more time they were spending in the shop the more annoyed she was getting. She loved her brother to pieces but he was a handful. He was four years older than her yet he had the emotional maturity of a twelve-year-old. He was so much like their mother. That thought unsettled her because she had no relation to her mother and where did that leave her? That she took after her dad? She wasn’t sure which was worse; a frivolous, self-centered airhead or a stiff, rigid control-freak?

She started putting their products on the belt with more force than needed. After she was done and was waiting in line for their turn, Filo stood beside her and hooked his arm through hers.

“Tonight it’s going to be perfect. The four of us eating the incredible risotto you’ll make and drinking the expensive wine your rich boyfriend will bring. It’s the first time we’ll do something, like, grown-up together. Ahh, I still remember the time when you used to eat your boogies.”

“Don’t mention anything like that if you want your perfect evening to not turn to a bloodbath.”

Filo shrugged.

“I think it’s cute. Why would Edoardo care anyway? It’s not like he hasn’t already seen you doing gross stuff. I mean you do swallow his cum, don’t you?”

The middle-aged man who was standing in front of them turned and gave them an incredulous look.

Eleonora wanted to die.

“Can you please stop? We are still in public in case you haven’t noticed!”

“I always enjoy public sex,” Filo continued unperturbed slightly lowering his voice. “Do you? Of course you do.”

Unlike what her brother thought of her, no, Eleonora didn’t enjoy public sex. She didn’t enjoy PDA either, which was a good thing considering she was having a secret relationship that only her brother, Fede, and Eva knew about. Edoardo, on the other hand, was a whole different story. He loved PDA and that made it extremely difficult for her, especially because she had no way of refusing him. Much like how she couldn’t vanish into thin air right now no matter how she wanted to so as to avoid the embarrassment of being caught up within the sphere of Filo’s theatrics.

Thankfully, they finally reached the cashier. Filo got busy stuffing things into the reusable bags they had brought from home so Eleonora breathed with relief. Enough shame for now. At least, that was what she thought until the cashier started punching up on the till the more than a dozen packs of condoms. They were so many that Eleonora couldn’t understand how she hadn’t noticed them. Filo must have slyly pushed them underneath the bag of onions. She gave him a dirty look.

“What?” he asked all innocence. “Protection is very important. You should follow my example yourself. You don’t want to end up pregnant before finishing high-school, do you?”

Eleonora prayed to every god she didn’t believe in to give her strength. Fratricide was a crime even for her own moral code.

~

The risotto turned out to be an absolute failure. It was a sticky mess reeking of butter. Eleonora in her effort to improve its fluidity had increased the grams of butter by double and now it was more butter with rice than the other way around; yet still as sticky as plaster.

“I told you not to stir it. Giulia was right after all.”

Filo poked the risotto inside the pot with a spoon commenting nonchalantly.

“I don’t understand,” Eleonora mumbled. “I’ve cooked this meal a hundred times. It must be something wrong with your cooker.”

“It’s very possible. I personally have never used it before and I’m sure neither have the others.”

Filo lived in a shared apartment in downtown Rome with two other people: a guy named Remo who was never around and Eleonora was certain he was a drug dealer or a prostitute or both and GianMarco, a friend and colleague of Filo from the Architecture School, who most weekends flew out to his hometown in Sicily to be with his girlfriend. Their house was the stereotypical bachelor pad. Usually dirty, in disarray, lacking even the most basic stuff, like salt and washing-up liquid, but filled to the brim with beer bottles and other alcoholic concoctions.

“What do we do now? We cannot serve this thing,” she grumbled.

“Maybe we can say it’s a rice cake instead of risotto. Who will tell the difference?”

Eleonora felt like crying. She had tried her best to make a presentable dish and now everything was ruined.

“Damn it,” she cursed the inanimate object. “I’d told Edoardo that I’m a good cook.”

“Don’t worry, spider,” Filo hugged her from behind. “I’m sure he’ll still love you after that. Girls with eyes like yours get away with murder.”

“What’s taking you up so long?”

Right at this moment, Edoardo walked into Filo’s tiny kitchen followed by Dario. The two of them took up the remaining space making the room feel suffocating. They were both tall, Dario more than Edoardo. Unlike Edoardo, Dario didn’t have a big ego to match. He was a mellow young man with a sweet, respectful demeanor yet confident in his ways. Eleonora was positively surprised that Filo had fallen for such a balanced person. Apparently, opposites did attract. Was she the opposite of Edoardo?

“We had a cooking accident,” Filo explained. “Ele told me to look after the risotto while she took a piss and I stirred it up too much and now is rice cement.”

Eleonora shot a grateful look to her brother. He may be crude and self-absorbed half of the time but he always stepped up to save her ass one way or another.

“She should have known better than to trust you with anything important,” Dario teased Filo affectionately.

“You say that just because you’re jealous I’m a creative spirit while you’re a boring accountant.”

“A boring accountant who helps you with your monthly bills and budget.”

“I said you were boring not useless.”

They smiled at each other and Eleonora was certain Filo was in right hands. She felt Edoardo looking at her with a small smile on his lips, which she returned.

“Maybe it’s an excuse to go out instead,” he proposed.

“Edo…”

That was a constant point of tension between them. He always asked her to go out together; he wanted to share their love with the world. He was an extrovert and being forced to keep things hush-hush was difficult for him. Eleonora, on the other hand, was too cautious. She couldn’t risk another scandal if someone saw them. In actuality, it was the complete opposite of what she had originally thought their relationship would be. He didn’t try to avoid being seen; he was frankly quite careless about it. She was the one who took all the extra protective measures, even when they were alone at home.

“We could go somewhere different from the usual spots.”

He touched her hand and his gaze was so pleading that she couldn’t find it in her heart to refuse. They wouldn’t be doing anything promiscuous anyway. They would just go out to eat with her brother and his boyfriend, nothing wrong in that, right?

“Okay,” she acquiesced winning a bright smile from him.

~

Eating out at a small, quiet restaurant was one thing. Dancing face to face with his hands on her waist was a completely different matter. She had tried to stand her ground but Filo and Dario insisted they continued for drinks after dinner to this funky bar they knew and Edoardo begged her to go with them and she accepted but only for one drink. Then Dario and Filo dragged her to the dancefloor and she went along because they were all dancing together and there was nothing suspicious to that. But then her brother and his hunk started making out being all cuddly and in love and everyone around them was in their own small bubble not paying attention and the lights were dim and the faces unknown so she let Edoardo hug her from the hips and bring her body close to his.

He tried kissing her. She pulled away once, twice stopping him. The third time she was kissing him back with fervor and abundance. She hooked her arms behind his head and reached up on her tiptoes to get closer. He conquered her mouth, and her senses, and her heart. He lifted her from the ground grabbing her from the ass but she was so drunk on him to care. He could have taken her there and then in the middle of the crowd and she wouldn’t have denied him. For just a minute she forgot that they weren’t a normal couple doing what normal couples do. She allowed herself to be overcome by her emotions and go with his flow.

He put her back to the floor and hugged her closely. They continued dancing with their bodies collided. She rested her cheek on his chest and closed her eyes in blissful contentment.

When she opened them again she saw Silvia gaping at them.


	14. Gossip girl

Chasing after a person in a crowded bar was no easy feat. Eleonora squeezed her way through a throng of people trying to retain eye contact with the blond head that moved a few meters ahead of her yet still beyond arm’s reach. Good thing that Silvia was tall and Eleonora was slim so she could slip past bodies almost undisturbed. She finally managed to catch up with her near the exit.

“Silvia! Silvia, wait!”

Silvia stopped and turned to face her with a big, bright smile on her face that would look less fake had she painted it on her skin.

“Ele! What a surprise. Didn’t see you there. How have you been? Long-time, no see.”

Eleonora gave her an apologetic look.

“Silvia, I… I’m sorry, I know it looks bad.”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“You know… Edoardo.”

Silvia shook her head pretending she didn’t have a clue. Eleonora felt confused and tired.

“Look, Silvia, things between us have been off for a while now. I just wanted to tell you that this,” she motioned between them, “has nothing to do with that,” she pointed with her thumb to the general direction of where Edoardo should be.

She was afraid Silvia would continue playing the part of the damp blonde.

“Okay,” she said in a small voice that was almost imperceptible under the loud music.

She seemed like she wanted to be left alone and Eleonora respected that. Before she turned to leave though, Silvia spoke again.

“When you introduced us were you guys already a thing?”

Eleonora’s stomach clenched. She tried to imagine how painful this must be to Silvia. She must be thinking that they had used her as a cover for their illegitimate erotic activities.

“No,” she quickly refuted. “No, Sil, I promise you. Nothing had happened between us at Chicco’s BBQ.”

Silvia nodded. Eleonora wasn’t sure whether she believed her but at least she seemed less tense. Heartbroken, but less tense.

She swallowed painfully. She didn’t want to be so petty but she needed to make sure.

“Silvia, could you please not tell anyone about what you saw today? It’s a delicate situation, you understand.”

“Yes, of course. Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone,” Silvia reassured her.

Eleonora wasn’t reassured. She couldn’t do anything about it though.

When she returned back to Edoardo, he was waiting for her with a worried expression on his face.

“What happened?” he asked her.

“I think everyone in school will know about us by Monday,” she answered him crestfallen.

~

On Monday morning Edoardo knocked on her door and walked into her room when she answered.

“Good morning,” he told her but didn’t come any nearer.

They weren’t alone at home so they had to be careful. They hadn’t slept in the same bed in the past two days either and that made her mood sourer.

“Morning,” she replied still snuggled in her blankets – not that she had gotten much sleep.

She felt drowsy and anxious, her emotions chaotic.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come to school today?”

She shook her head. She had already told him of her decision – cowardice rather. She couldn’t go to school today, couldn’t face the havoc of Silvia’s revelation.

“She may not have said anything. And even if she has, it doesn’t mean that people will believe her.”

“People love to gossip,” she contested deadpan. “They may not believe it but they’ll circulate it either way. It’s what they do, how they fill with excitement their boring lives.”

She sounded bitter and she knew it. She didn’t care.

“All the more reason to not pay attention to what people say. And no one will dare say anything to our face, I promise you that.”

She couldn’t help but feel warmth by his need to look after her. Such a sharp contrast from Luca, who in the aftermath of their relationship becoming known had left her all alone to fend for herself. An underage school girl. He had originally seemed so mature, so sophisticated in her eyes, while in reality, he was nothing more than a pusillanimous manipulator.

“I’m sorry but I can’t do it,” she lowered her eyes. “At least not today. Maybe tomorrow, after the first shockwave.”

Edoardo fumbled with his backpack on his shoulder.

“It could be an opportunity.”

She gave him a questioning look.

“Maybe now we could tell our parents.”

She jumped up from the bed and went to peek anxiously from the open door down the deserted corridor. Paolo had already left for work but her mother was still at home, probably sleeping; a late riser just like Filo.

“Are you insane?” she whispered accusingly.

He didn’t look insane. He looked serious.

“I’m tired of this hide and seek. It may have been fun for the first few weeks but I can’t go on like this for much longer.”

What did he mean by that? That he wanted to end things?

“You knew it would be like that,” she said quietly.

“People need to progress. Relationships need to progress. And we are stuck here, dancing mice when the cats are away.”

“We don’t have many alternatives, do we?”

He didn’t answer her except for a heavy sigh.

“I have to get going or I’ll be late. I’ll keep you posted how things are going.”

She nodded.

He turned to leave. Then he turned back and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

“We’ll get through this.”

Eleonora wasn’t sure she believed him and she didn’t think he believed much in it himself either.

~

Edoardo: _All quiet on the front. Miss you._

Eva: _Haven’t heard a thing. All everyone’s been talking about is the 100 days party._

Could it be that Silvia had kept her promise? Eleonora couldn’t handle the tension anymore. She needed to know. She was fidgety all day, not able to concentrate on anything else. She decided to go to school after all. The suspense was killing her so it would be better to get it over with – whatever it was – sooner rather than later. School had almost finished by now but she could go to the radio station. She didn’t have a program on Mondays but she knew Silvia did. She could pretend she needed to pre-record some playlists as it was common practice.

When she reached the station no one else was there. At least, she saw Silvia inside the studio talking to the mic. She watched her through the window. If Edoardo had chosen her instead of Eleonora everything would be different now, maybe even better; certainly less complicated.

Eleonora was absentmindedly perusing songs on the Internet when Silvia came out of the studio and saw her sitting in the common room.

“Ele? What are you doing here?”

“I just came to pre-record some playlists.”

“You shouldn’t have, being sick and all that.”

Eleonora didn’t understand what she meant at first but then realized that Silvia must have come to that conclusion given her absence from school today.

“Yeah, I feel much better now.”

“That’s good to hear. So I’m off for the day. Will you lock up before you leave?”

“Yeah, sure… Silvia?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for not telling anyone.”

Silvia gave her a small smile.

“I promised you, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you did.”

“You thought I’d tell anyway.”

Eleonora didn’t have anything to say to that.

“I’m not that horrible of a person, you know.”

Eleonora tried to find the right thing to say but Silvia surprised her once more by suddenly bursting into tears. Eleonora jumped up and ran concerned towards her.

“I’ve missed you, girls, so much. What I said to Eva is unforgivable. I wanted to apologize the next day but I didn’t think anything could salvage what I had done.”

Eleonora hugged her closely.

“Sil, you’re being too hard on yourself. We all love you and miss you. Eva the most. You are our friend. We’ll always be there for you, no matter what. It was you we thought didn’t want to have anything to do with us anymore.”

“I’m so confused all the time,” Silvia kept crying. “It’s like I’m two people at once. The one Silvia who wants to be perfect and people will admire and look up to her. And the other Silvia who just wants to live her life and have fun. And those two Silvias fight and compete with each other more often than not lately and all this makes me so stressed and tired. I don’t know who I am anymore!”

She cried even louder.

“It’s alright,” Ele reassured her. “The important thing is that we have each other’s back.”

Silvia buried her head on Eleonora’s shoulder and continued crying. Ele was petting her on the head whispering comforting words, waiting for her to calm down, perplexed by her violent outburst. Eventually, Silvia stopped crying enough to mumble between her tears:

“I’m pregnant.”

Eleonora felt the need to cry as well.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the sad news of SkamIt discontinuing, I felt it my personal responsibility to upload a new chapter to this story. I hope you're still interested in it. XOXO


	15. Hand of cards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Mention of abortion.  
> Recommended listening: Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts

Eleonora was seething with rage. She returned home late at night and went straight to his room. She found him on his bed, playing his guitar as per usual. She had entered without knocking first and he gave her a perplexed look. She forcefully closed the door behind her; didn’t know whether their parents were in the house and could possibly hear them.

“Amo, what’s wrong?”

He stood up but didn’t approach her. Her mood must have warned him away.

“Did you know that Fede slept with Silvia?”

He couldn’t pretend otherwise. He simply nodded.

Eleonora felt like crying for the millionth time today. She shut her eyes trying to compose herself.

“She’s pregnant. Do you know that as well?”

His silence was enough proof that he did.

“How could you keep something like that from me?” she accused him.

“It wasn’t my secret to tell.”

“Silvia is my friend!”

“Ele, you haven’t spoken to her in months.”

“That doesn’t matter! She had to live through all this alone. He showed zero interest. He told her to have an abortion and that was it.”

“What would you have him do instead? Tell her to keep it? They are adolescents; they cannot start a family like that. He barely knows her.”

“He knows her well enough to have fucked her!”

“He didn’t fuck her by himself. It was consensual!”

They were yelling at each other now.

“Yeah, it was consensual. That doesn’t make it any less imbalanced. What would you know of that of course? The school’s heartthrob, fucking willing girls left, right, and center; without giving a damn how they feel, how disappointed they must be after you use them and throw them away just as easily as removing a condom. Oh, no, wait. Fede didn’t even use one because, apparently, he doesn’t like them!”

“This is stupid but it’s his choice. Why do you drag me into this? I thought I have apologized enough for my past. You cannot keep holding it against me.”

“You’re still friends with him, aren’t you?”

He was literally taken aback as if she had physically pushed him.

“Ele, don’t do this. Don’t make me choose.”

“There’s no choice to be made, Edoardo. If you want to be friends with a sexist cheater who fucks desperate girls in need of attention and then pretends nothing has happened then you are no better than him.”

She stormed out of his room leaving him no time to react. His actions spoke volumes on themselves.

~

She was avoiding him. He was avoiding her as well. Eleonora couldn’t believe it. How could he not see how much on the wrong Fede was? Silvia had told her everything. They happened upon each other at the same Christmas Eve party. It was a semi-open event and Silvia had gone without having really been invited in the hopes to meet Edoardo there. She didn’t know that he and Ele were in the Alps with their parents at the time. The party took place in an old warehouse. They were so many people. Many of them she was seeing for the first time. Amidst this strange crowd, she felt so alone like never before. She started drinking to acclimatize herself better or to not care that she had no friends anymore and she was the one to blame for it.

When she saw Fede, he was like a beam of light, the only familiar face in there. For some reason, he was equally excited to see her. He was imbibed. It was obvious even to her inebriated mind. It made no difference to her. He was someone she knew and more importantly he was best friends with Edoardo. He asked her to come along to an after-party he was going to. She immediately accepted still thinking that Edoardo could be there. He wasn’t and it wasn’t actually an after-party either. They were a bunch of people from school, all drunk and wasted, trying to play cards and failing miserably in fits of uncalled for laughter.

“Do you know where Edoardo is?” she eventually asked Fede.

“He’s not here.”

“I can see that.”

He then proceeded to tell her how beautiful and amazing she was, that she should stop pining after a guy who was not interested in her and instead focus on someone who really wanted her. One compliment led to another and Silvia – intoxicated and as self-conscious as ever – followed him to an empty bedroom. The next morning Fede drove her to a bus stop without uttering a word. They didn’t talk after that until Silvia suspected that she had gotten pregnant. She told him but he dismissed her rather rudely; saying that it was impossible and that she was trying to break him up with his steady girlfriend. When she went to the doctor and had proof he didn’t discuss the subject with her. He demanded that she have an abortion, adding graciously that he would be the one to cover the expenses. That was the extent of their communication.

Edoardo was defending a boy who was everything that Eleonora had come to hate. He may have been charismatic and a good friend, but when it mattered he was proven to be a horrible person full of entitlement and self-importance; a manipulative hypocrite. She couldn’t fathom how Edoardo was okay with it. It didn’t affect him personally but he should know better than to fraternize with people who were self-absorbed and didn’t accept the responsibility of their actions. The fact that Edoardo didn’t mind Fede’s behavior showed that he was one and the same. He might be treating her well right now but only because he was in love with her. If he stopped wanting her, he would start acting towards her like with all the other women in his life; as if she were inconsequential noise. That was Eleonora’s greatest fear.

~

She accompanied Silvia to the doctor for the abortion. Silvia didn’t want the other girls to find out. She was lucky enough to have turned eighteen the previous summer so she didn’t need to tell her parents either. She was legally capable of deciding for herself. That didn’t make the decision any less difficult. She didn’t want the baby. Still, it was her body and she would need to undertake an invasive procedure to get rid of a part of her. It was an emotionally scarring experience, if not physically dangerous. She was under 10 weeks long so the doctor suggested medical abortion. Silvia simply had to go to the doctor’s office and take a pill. The chemicals would do the rest.

“Thank you for being here for me,” she told Eleonora after they had come out of the practice.

“Don’t mention it.”

They took a taxi to Silvia’s house. It was nothing like Eleonora had imagined it to be. Silvia gave the impression she came from a wealthy family: her clothes were always new and good quality, she’d never expressed financial concerns, and she’d occasionally mention expensive places, restaurants, and trips she had been going to with her parents. Her house didn’t match this image. It was an apartment really in an alleyway full with apartment blocks, like public housing. They had to climb the stairs to the fourth floor because the elevator was out of order. By the time they reached Silvia’s door, Silvia was exhausted. She had enough energy to get them inside and lead Eleonora to her room. It was Thursday afternoon but no one else was at home.

“I’m alright now. You don’t have to stay with me,” Silvia said.

Eleonora dismissed her.

“I’m not leaving you alone like that. Are your parents still at work?”

Silvia simply nodded.

“I’m gonna take a shower.”

“Are you sure? You felt dizzy before.”

“Yeah, I need one.”

Eleonora waited in Silvia’s room. Everything was pink and glittery; truly a princess room. Still, the furniture was old and cracked. The single window looked over to the opposite building and the distance was so close that there was hardly any sunlight coming in. It wasn’t difficult for Eleonora to reach the conclusion that Silvia was poor. There was nothing wrong with that – it just gave her behavior a whole different perspective. Her infatuation with Rich King Incanti, her effort to keep up the perfect blonde label, how hard she was on others, which meant she was much harder on herself; everything made greater sense now. Eleonora contemplated all the pressure Silvia must have been dealing with and felt suffocated only thinking about it. Their roles could have been so easily reversed. Eleonora happened to be born in this family and now she happened to be living with Edoardo because her mother happened to fall in love with his father, who happened to be one of Rome’s most successful lawyers. Everything was a matter of chance; almost everything rather. Life dealt you with a hand and it was your responsibility to decide what to do with it.

While waiting for Silvia, her phone buzzed in her pocket.

Edoardo: _We need to talk._


	16. Stand by me

“I’ve lied to you.”

Eva, Sana, and Fede all seemed concerned. They exchanged questioning looks with each other and with Eleonora. She tried to reassure them by retaining a calm demeanor.

Silvia remained silent for a while. Eleonora felt awed by her inner strength. After everything that she had gone through with Federico and the unwanted pregnancy, she had the power to tell the truth and expose herself even more. She was the one to initiate this meeting among them five. She’d invited Eleonora and the other girls to a café the weekend after the abortion. Everyone immediately accepted, which was a positive sign of goodwill.

Eleonora reached out and touched Silvia’s hand, squeezing it with understanding. Silvia nodded her head as if signaling that the time had come and she was ready.

“I haven’t openly lied to you. It’s rather that I made you believe something which isn’t true. The fact is that I’m not the happy-go-lucky blonde with zero cares in the world besides what to wear and how to catch the boy of my dreams. I come from a destitute family. My father is an alcoholic, who’s been battling with his addiction his whole life. Sometimes he manages to quit drinking and things get better for a few months. Most of the time, he is in a stupor. He’s not violent. He used to work as a police-officer but eventually they released him with a meager disability pension.

He occasionally finds jobs here and there but doesn’t seem able to keep them for long. We struggle financially. My mother works at a bakery but my father has many medical conditions that are very expensive to take care of. I have two older brothers, half-brothers actually, from my father’s first marriage. They want nothing to do with him or us. Their mother blames my mother for separating them and hooking him into drinking, which isn’t true. All in all, my familial situation is horrible. I’m ashamed of them. Probably that makes me ashamed of me as well.”

Silvia stopped talking and silence ensued. Eleonora glanced at the girls, who all looked equally dumbfounded. Fede seemed to be the most shocked. She was the closest and longest friend of Silvia. Silvia’s confession must surely have taken her by the biggest surprise.

“I’m in love with Edoardo,” Eleonora blurted to break the silence.

She had decided to tell them beforehand. Silvia’s convention was as good a time as any. She felt inspired by her friend to follow her example and come clean. It would also give some solace to Silvia that she wasn’t the only one with secrets; that everyone made mistakes or kept things hidden they were ashamed of. At least, Eleonora hoped it would.

“Edoardo Incanti? As in your stepbrother?”

Fede’s eyes had grown into small saucers. Sana, on the other hand, seemed totally unfazed by the news. She almost looked as if she knew all this time and simply needed Eleonora’s affirmation.

Eleonora nodded.

“We’ve been seeing each other since Christmas.”

“Wow,” was Fede’s intelligent response.

She then turned to Silvia.

“Are you okay with that? Did you know?”

“I’m okay now. I never had a chance with Edo anyway. I’ve been pining over him for over a year and he hadn’t spared me a second glance. It’s not Ele’s fault they fell in love.”

She smiled at Eleonora.

“I’m happy for you, really.”

She stirred the leftovers of her coffee with the spoon.

“I’ve done some thinking and realized that I had convinced myself I was in love with Edoardo without actually knowing him. I hadn’t exchanged a single word with him. All I wanted was his image. I believed he was perfect and that if I managed to get a piece of that it would make me perfect as well. It would immediately solve all my problems. I was naïve and paid the price for that.”

“What do you mean?” Sana asked concerned showing apprehension for the first time today.

Silvia went on and explained the whole pregnancy situation with Federico. She didn’t cry while doing so. She seemed to have come to terms with it. She had matured so much in just a few weeks. It was painful but all the same impressive to watch.

“I’m gonna kill him!” Fede exploded after Silvia had finished talking.

“I want a piece of him as well,” Sana agreed.

“So do I!” Eva exclaimed. “Sil, what he did was horrible. Why didn’t you tell us sooner? You shouldn’t have gone through all this alone.”

“I felt ashamed. Both for how silly I was and let him take advantage of me and for the way I had talked to you at that time. I couldn’t ask for your help, I’d be a hypocrite. I am a hypocrite. Eva, when I attacked you I was being insecure and inconsiderate. But I don’t believe anything I said. I don’t think you’re a slut. I hope you can forgive me.”

“Of course I forgive you, Sil. This is what friends are for. To have each other’s backs!”

Eleonora contemplated on that. Was that what Edoardo was doing? Being faithful to Fede despite his mistake? Weren’t some mistakes unforgivable?

The talk continued with words of support and intimate confessions of small things that each girl felt. Eva opened up about her past friendship with Laura. Fede explained her body positivity issues, how she had struggled with her body image when she was younger but now she was learning to love herself. Only Sana was quiet looking at them with those big, dark eyes of hers.

Afterwards, she gave them a lift home into her small car. Eleonora was last since she lived the closest to Sana.

“We shared a lot today,” Eleonora remarked.

The discussion had left her emotionally drained. It was rewarding, nonetheless.

Sana didn’t speak.

“Didn’t you ever have boy problems?” Eleonora asked half-jokingly.

“No, not really,” Sana answered deadpan.

Eleonora dropped the subject altogether. It was obvious that it made her friend uncomfortable.

“What are you going to do about Edoardo?”

Eleonora shrugged.

“I’m still confused. I don’t know, maybe it’s for the better. It was a doomed relationship, to begin with.”

She didn’t believe it but she said it anyway.

Sana parked in front of her house – or rather Edoardo’s house. In a few months, she would be leaving this place and probably wouldn’t be coming back again.

“Take care. Call me if you need anything,” Sana squeezed her hand.

“The same goes for you.”

Sana smiled without commenting further.

Eleonora was climbing the stairs to her bedroom when all of a sudden Edoardo’s door flew open.

“Finally,” he exclaimed.

Eleonora gave him a questioning look.

“I’ve been asking you to talk for over a week. Were you avoiding me?”

“Not everything revolves around you.”

She was avoiding him a little but she was also occupied with other things – Silvia mostly. Her friend needed her and she wanted to be there for her. Edoardo and his talk could wait.

He took a step forward and blocked her way to her room.

_Apparently it couldn’t wait any longer._

“Please.”

His implore seemed genuine so Eleonora acquiesced. They went to his room. She sat down on his bed and forced herself not to stretch her fingers on the fabric – reminiscent of his touch.

He sat down on his chair and rolled closer to her so they were eye to eye.

“I’m sorry, ok? I had nothing to do with whatever went down but I feel it’s partly my fault. Silvia was hurt because of me. I didn’t do it on purpose but I left her hanging. I don’t know, I could have let her down more firmly. And I’m sorry how inconsiderate I was about Fede’s mistake.”

He took her hands to his.

“Fede is my best friend. He’s been there for me all of my life. After my mum died I’d be over to his house nearly every day, all day. My dad was constantly at work. We were never close but after my mum’s death, he became practically absent. It was as if it were only due to her efforts that we were a family and after she was gone the glue that kept us together evaporated. I can’t forget that, Ele. Fede is like a brother to me, I’ll always be there for him, no matter what he does. Even if he kills someone, I’ll be there for him.”

She tensed.

“But,” he quickly added sensing her slipping away. “I’ve come to realize that being there for him doesn’t mean that I don’t hold him accountable for his mistakes. I would be a shitty friend if I did that. I talked to him and told him how shitty he behaved. I’m not responsible for how he thinks and acts, though. But that’s love, isn’t it? To stay by someone’s side even if you don’t condone their behavior, right?”

“I don’t know, Edoardo. I think that you can sympathize with him because you’d behave in exactly the same way if you were in his position.”

That took him aback.

“Is that what you think of me?”

She turned her face away.

“I don’t know what to think anymore.”

She meant to stand up.

“Look, it’s been a stressful day and…”

“Ele, please,” he tagged her back down. “Stop trying to find excuses to break up with me.”

Was that what she was doing?

He capped her face to his hands and brushed his thumbs over her cheeks.

“I know you’re afraid. I know you feel vulnerable. I know it because I feel it, too. This is what it means to be in love. To give power to someone else to hurt you. But we’re together in this, love. We’ll always be together.”

He looked into her eyes and then her lips and he proceeded slowly to kiss her. She returned his kiss tenderly and softly. She wasn’t sure about anything; there was no guarantee for the future. That made her feel exposed and her controlling nature didn’t help matters. The only thing she was certain about was that she was happier when he was around. People made a leap of faith for far less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so excited about the news about season 4 that it got me inspired again. I know I take long breaks but I'm planning on finishing this fic. Comments and support always help :) Lov u all!


	17. Young love

They were still kissing when the door to Edoardo’s room opened and his father walked in. They moved away quickly but it was too late. Paolo stood looking at them with a stiff expression in his face. His eyes were empty of emotion.

“Eleonora, please leave us alone with my son.”

Eleonora’s blood was frozen. She wanted to cry and scream and laugh like a maniac; all the more because Paolo’s reaction was so... not reactive. She gulped painfully and shot a glance to Edoardo’s face, which was as if set in stone. He didn’t even look at her. With soft steps that felt like an eternity, she left the room. Paolo immediately closed the door behind her. She didn’t want to eavesdrop but she couldn’t help it. She went to her room and very silently stepped out into the balcony. The voices were muffled but she could discern faintly what was transpiring on the other side of the wall.

“I told you to be more careful.”

Paolo’s tone was stern and authoritative. It belonged to a man who was used to giving orders.

“I gave you permission to fuck her under the condition that Lavinia would never find out.”

Eleonora had to cover her mouth with her hand to stifle a cry. Permission?

“Break it off now. You’re too reckless to handle the situation.”

“I love her.”

Paolo chuckled. It was deep and full of irony.

“You can’t even keep your dick inside your pants. Do you have any idea what love is? I’m asking Lavinia to marry me. Are you prepared to do the same?”

There was only silence.

“Thought so. Break it off. Either way, you’ll be flying to the States by the end of summer. Why postpone the inevitable?”

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed before Edoardo came out to the balcony. She was simply standing there, confused. She wasn’t certain what to feel, what to believe. Her system had completely short-circuited.

“Are you going to the States?”

He nodded.

“Cornell. I received the acceptance letter a week before.”

He moved towards her but stopped mid-step.

“Ele, I would have told you. I just didn’t get the chance.”

She shook her head as if trying to gather her wits. She turned to leave.

“Ele, it doesn’t mean that anything should change.”

She didn’t respond.

~

Time started passing differently after that. It was as if the days drifted into nights and the nights into days and she couldn’t tell them apart. She was floating from place to place like a drop of water; fragile and light, ready to dissolve at the slightest touch. He had tried many a time to approach her but she would escape him, slithering between his fingers. She didn’t know what she was feeling exactly; betrayal, anger, sadness, despair, vindication. Her emotions were muddled together, undiscernible. She was experiencing everything at the extreme and at the same time her reactions were numb and passive as if existing was the only thing she had enough energy for.

“I want to go to dad’s.”

Her mother lifted her head from the book she was reading. She was in bed and Eleonora had come and snuggled next to her. It was Friday night and Paolo was working late. Edoardo was out as well, she and her mother alone at the house.

“For Easter?”

Eleonora shook her head.

“For the rest of the school year.”

“There’s less than three months left. Are you sure you want to move schools again?”

“Yeah.”

Moving houses twice in less than a year would be a pain in the ass but she couldn’t stay there any longer. She felt she was withering away day by day. She thought she was stronger. She had to accept her defeat when she realized she had stopped eating. She couldn’t do this to herself. Admitting was one step closer to healing. This is what her therapist used to tell her. She didn’t think she was healing in any form or shape. She simply needed to escape and if she were lucky to eventually forget.

“Do you want to tell me the reason?” her mother asked.

“I fell in love with someone.”

She didn’t have to explain the rest. Her situation spoke in itself of how badly things had ended.

She felt her mother’s hands on her hair.

“You’ll never learn, my sweet child. We are vessels, we are treated like vessels. For their wishes and their demands. They use us and abandon us when we are empty and have nothing more to give. Be devoid, Eleonora. It’s the only way you can survive.”

~

The girls were devastated when she told them. They cried and hugged her tight. They begged her not to go.

“You can come to visit me whenever you want,” she tried to appease them.

She didn’t manage.

Only Sana remained stoic.

“I think it’s for the best.”

She meant good but Eleonora’s heart bled some more upon hearing those words.

She told Edoardo next. She didn’t want him to find out from others. She didn’t own him that decency but she needed to establish that she was leaving on her own terms; she had to own her decisions.

He listened to her sitting on the couch in the living room. She thought it best to avoid the bedrooms; too emotionally charged.

“You make me feel so powerless,” he mumbled.

His eyes were teary.

“What do you want me to do? I am nineteen years old. I have nothing without my father. I am nothing of my own.”

She nodded understandingly. He was right. They were two kids playing grown-ups. At the first reality-check, their fantasies had evaporated like smoke. They were too young to carry the burden of their emotions. Their relationship was doomed from the start. They just didn’t want to see it. Even if they rebelled against their parents and ran away, they wouldn’t last. Love cannot overcome guilt, shame, and misery. Love by itself is not enough.

She moved to Milan a few days later. She didn’t like the city, the house, her father’s new family. She had to adapt, though. She would adapt. There was nothing else she could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Depressing, I know. But what else could we expect?


End file.
